Yangblog world

I've got your resolutions right here.

2012-01-01T09:17:00.000-05:00

Don't know about you, but I'm sick of the Mayans. Not only do they say 2012 is the year the world ends, but it happens the day before my birthday. Every day of 2012 is going to be a giant eff you to the Mayans to make this the best year ever. Here is how it's going to happen:

1) Just came back from Hong Kong. Abby says friends really enjoyed hanging out with me. I don't speak Cantonese so her friends have to make an effort to speak English. Listening to a person talk in a second language is tiring so I talk A LOT less, blend in the background, listen to others and asked how they are doing. That's why they liked hanging out with me. Going to remember I'm not that interesting.

2) Not going to beat myself up endlessly. I know that's how Koreans roll, but whatever I'm doing wrong isn't THAT fatal. I will change stuff if I do fall flat on my face. This does not apply to golf.

3) Speaking of falling flat on my face, If this happens, I'm going to try again and not bellyache it can't be done. It can be done. It just has to be done differently.

4) Make art I want to make, not what I think others want me to make. The irony is whenever I do this, clients are very happy.

4) Invite friends more often to have pie at the badass pie shop in the neighborhood. Eating pie anytime is nice, but it's nicer to share a stupid pie-smeared grin with company.

5) Complain openly about bad trades and keep quiet about good trades. Just figured out this is what Mr. Market wants. One friend bragged constantly this year. Mr. Market gave him the prison girlfriend treatment. It was ugly but fun to watch.

6) Just cracked up at my "prison girlfriend" joke. Going to use that line more often.

7) Know the difference between alternate viewpoints and denial. Respect alternate viewpoints. Call out people in denial. Mercilessly mock those who mistakenly call out people with alternate viewpoints when they are the one in denial.

8) Speaking of calling out, going to call out those wearing MC Hammer pants. That trend is trying to make a comeback. If the Mayans are right, I'm not spending the last year of humanity looking at MC Hammer pants.

9) If the MC Hammer trends persists, I'll give in and buy a pair.

10) Wear the MC Hammer pants on December 22nd. If the Mayans are right, everyone will blame the pants.

Notes From Hong Kong: This is going to hurt if you're a Fox Newstard.

2011-12-10T06:10:00.001-05:00

Wow.

Have run into this a couple of times already and it happens when meeting people who travel abroad for business. If you have an American accent, you are suspect. You have to clear a couple of hurdles: 1) Are you from New York? If yes, go to2) Are you a banker?3) Do you educate yourself by listening to Fox News?

If you answer these questions wrong, you are pegged as an imbecile.

When I first came to Hong Kong in the Nineties, if you had and American accent, people warmed to you immediately.

Don't cry.

It is what it is.

Notes From Hong Kong: Twit at my 9 o'clock.

2011-12-06T20:03:00.000-05:00

While happily downing a rice bowl of ginger and grilled pork in a crowded food court in Kwun Tong, I heard someone clear his throat. A tall gentleman with a handlebar mustache, umbrella, looking like a stand in for John Cleese from Faulty Towers was standing at my table. He looked overwhelmed. He asked if he could sit.

I said sure, be my guest.

He just stood there.

I said no problem, have a seat.

He looked slightly annoyed and said, "I'm sorry, I don't understand your English. Is it okay for me to sit?"

He said it with an American accent. It is understandable why there could be confusion. I have a Midwestern accent which nobody ever hears in AMERICA. He had thin sliced and in his blank frightened ironically mustached head predetermined that I did not speak English. I did the only reasonable thing you could do.

I pretended not to speak English.

I pointed to the chair like Slingblade and he sat down. He had ordered a burger and fries. We exchanged looks and I did the awkward smiling and nodding thing, looking at his burger, looking back at him, then smiling and nodding again. I made sure to stretch it out so the whole experience was ETERNAL.

He looked back nervously, quickly downed his burger and left.

Maybe I was a dick. It wouldn't hurt to cut him some slack. I should have told him to try the Chinese sausage.

I hate Chinese sausage.

Notes From Hong Kong: 2011 Edition

2011-12-05T02:43:00.001-05:00

Once again it's time to move the studio to Hong Kong for a month, spend time with Abby's family, and become my own little outsourcing operation. Still clearing the cobwebs as Abby has been furiously scheduling time with friends who want to see me. She as no idea why I am so popular.

I do.

It's because I don't speak Cantonese.

I'm much more charming when my mouth is shut. The glassy eyed look I have from jet lag adds a mysterious quality. Mrs. Yang smoothing out my asinine comments in translation also doesn't hurt. It's nice to know there is something else I'm good at besides illustrating. I'm a savant when it comes to being arm candy for Mrs Yang.

Abby tells me we have friends to see in a couple of days.

I better start doing sit-ups.

Stuff I think I know.

2011-11-13T21:09:00.001-05:00

It looks like I'll be lecturing at Parsons this spring semester about professional practices. I've always enjoyed teaching on the college level. It gets you out of the studio. You learn how to focus your thoughts and not ramble like the aunt you dread visiting every holiday. Fewer things are as rewarding as seeing the light go in a student's head because you've found a way to connect. At the American Illustration party last week, I had the chance to meet a couple of students who asked about my course.

I told them they were going to learn stuff they don't know. This is what I do know if you don't want your dreams to DIE:

1) Don't worry what others are doing. Creatives are competitive, but if you constantly compare yourself to others, you will go insane. Live in your own little artist bubble and try to do something better than you've done before. You will be surprised how fast you grow.

2) This is a contradiction, but compare yourself to others. You want to make sure you are not getting left in the dust. Some of my best growth has come from going to openings and CRAPPING IN MY PANTS because the art was so good.

3) I know there are divas, but less than 1 percent can pull off the diva act. Unfortunately, most artists think they ARE the 1 percent. Just to play it safe, don't be a dick until you are sure. I remember an art director choosing illustrators for a project. She passed over one illustrator who was crazy good because he was a pain in the ass. My dickish ways decreased dramatically after seeing this.

4) Learn to say yes.

5) Learn to say no.

6) Learn to say "I don't know" if you don't know.

7) Say you can do it even if you can't. Learn how to do it on the fly and do it well. The amount of confidence you will get if you can pull it off is HUGE. It will serve you well for the rest of your career.

8) Don't act desperate. Clients like to work with winners. Clients are not Oprah. They are not trying to save anybody.

9) It's okay to make mistakes. Just don't make the same mistake twice. This is also a quote from "Breaking Bad". What a great show. Don't miss it.

10) Persistence is more important than talent. I know many talented people who couldn't cut it because they gave up too easily. If you are talented and persistent, you are going to be a badass.

Even if you're a badass, don't act like a diva.

A bigger badass is just around the corner.

Everybody keeps asking what Occupy Wall Street wants. Here's what they want.

2011-10-10T12:19:00.002-04:00

People keep asking what the Occupy Wall Street crowd wants. Below are two videos that sum it up concisely. Personally, I am surprised the protests have staying power and seem to be growing. I guess what we learned in science class about a strong action (Tea Party) having an equally strong and opposite reaction (Occupy Wall St) is true. They are both visceral reactions to the meltdown.

Friends know I have more than a casual interest in the markets and many past and present clients are based in finance. The nicest compliment came from an editor from Institutional Investor Magazine who said they would always call me if they didn't understand the article. Who are institutional investors? They're the guys who won't pick up the phone if you're worth less than a 100 million. Since the meltdown in 08 I have became more interested in the technical and macro aspects of the market because most advisers for regular people are FULL OF SHIT.

In Wall St, you have two kinds of participants in the market. Smart money and dumb money.

The biggest irony of the Tea Party/Occupy Wall St coin is the macro smart money guys agree with many of the goals of Occupy Wall Street when it comes to financial reform and the wealth gap. When smart money guys talk about the Tea Party, it is usually with derision.

Bet however you want.

I prefer running with the smart money.

(Thanks to Bill Alger for the find)

Goodbye Mr Jobs. Thanks for my career. That's a pretty nice gift.

2011-10-06T06:07:00.001-04:00

(From the home page at Apple.com)

Why do I say Mr Jobs gave me my career?

In the 90's my career as an illustrator was roaring along with a painting style. Clients were constantly calling and my agent couldn't be happier. I was painting and collaging to my heart's desire. Then something happened.

The work hit a creative ceiling. My painting had gone as far as it could go. Art became a chore.

I started playing around with the Mac and the intuitiveness made experimenting fun. The technology kept improving which made it easier for creatives. Frankly, I was lazy when it came to painting. Once a path was decided in painting, that was it. It was too much work to backtrack and try a different idea. The Mac freed me from this excuse. Experimenting with options and compositions were a click away. You could save multiple versions of the same image. It was like a visual diary of your process. The work broke through a ceiling.

I remember when Jobs was forced out of Apple the first time. They were getting hammered in the marketplace. A string of execs started sucking the life out of a Mac. All the Apples were ugly beige boxes with an operating system that was getting dated. It looked like Apple was going to go out of business.

My illustrator friends and I were freaking out. If Apple went out of business, we were going to have to use Windows which were clunky for creating art. I told my friends eff it. If Apple dies, I'm giving up digital art and going back to painting.

Then Jobs came back.

Man did he come back. He made Jonathan Ive head of design. First those ugly beige boxes were replaced by colorful plastic machines that had a retro future thing going on. Next came the minimal design which looked like works of art in your studio. The operating system developed from Job's time at NeXT was genius. I remember when the first cinema display shipped. Receiving it was like Christmas Day for the first time and I couldn't stop staring at it. It looked like the effing future. It was FUN AS HELL to create art on an Apple.

The other day I heard from an art director I've worked with for years. She said she really likes how the work has grown since the 90's.

Thanks Mr Jobs.

Couldn't have done it without you.

You will be missed.

Seen this movie before, social network style

2011-09-24T08:42:00.000-04:00

My first experience with social networking happened when MySpace was king. While promoting the Joey and Jet series, my publicist at Simon and Schuster came up with the idea that we should make a MySpace page with Joey who would interact with children. This would make us rich, RICH beyond our wildest dreams. Being a newbie, I eagerly started building a MySpace page.

What a nightmare.

MySpace was an eyesore. The instructions were baffling to even a computer geek like myself. The templates made it MATHEMATICALLY IMPOSSIBLE to create a page that did not make your eyes throw up. If you wanted a nice page, you had to learn coding which was out of my league. Fortunately after frustrating days of getting nowhere, it dawned on me that creating a Joey page and corresponding with children under a false name seemed CREEPY. My horrified publicist agreed and Joey's MySpace page was killed.

When Facebook appeared on the scene, it was a breath of fresh air. Its simpler, unified look across the entire site was soothing compared to the visual vomit party that was MySpace. It was easy to set up. I created a profile just in case things got interesting. For a few months nothing happened

Then they came.

First it was Abby's friends who were performers. This made sense since they were the main users of MySpace. Then came designers and illustrators. This created a tipping point where Facebook came alive and soon I was flooded with requests from every part of my life. Facebook was great. It was easy.

Then Facebook got cocky and started screwing things up.

Your privacy became a pain in the ass to protect. With each update, the page got busier. Facebook started telling you how to interact. They came up with the brilliant idea that others could add you to groups so you could receive endless streams of bullshit that was difficult to stop. It started becoming complex. They now have a constantly updating feed forced into an already crammed space. It is tiring to look at Facebook.

A couple of months ago I got an invite for Google + and checked it out. The experience was a serious case of deja vu. The design is pleasingly unobtrusive and the type is elegant compared to the clunkiness of Facebook. In other words, using Google compared to Facebook was similar to using Facebook from MySpace. I set up a profile and nothing happened.

Until this week.

Suddenly, art directors and illustrators are adding me on Google+. I've had more conversations on Google+ in the last two days than I've had in the last two months. Most conversations are about how relaxing and soothing it is to visit Google +.

Congratulations Facebook.

It's not everyone who gets a chance to relive the MySpace story.

I'm so f*cking disappointed with Obama link party.

2011-08-07T01:02:00.008-04:00

Hell has no fury like a disillusioned Yangblog.

If you're someone who voted for Bush and still haven't admitted his eight years were a disaster, you can STFU. Seriously. In fact, you are forbidden from reading any further. Admitting mistakes is the path to wisdom.

I'll admit it. I voted for Obama and thought he was the Chosen One. Man was I wrong. Looks like I voted for this generation's Jimmy Carter which kind of makes sense since Carter was elected to wash away the memories of Watergate. Obama was elected to make everyone forget the Bush years.

Here are links which are much better at explaining the depths of my disappointment.

Enjoy.

If that is the word.

Opinion: What Happened to Obama? (The New York Times)

The Tragedy of the Obama Administration. (The Big Picture)

The Man Behind the Curtain. Realizing our leaders are vulnerable children inside adult bodies, just like us via Abnormal Returns. (The Reformed Broker)

Thanks to Alana Heller for this link: The Myth of Obama's "blunders" and "weakness" (Salon.com) The main argument Glenn Greenwald makes is nobody with Obama's intelligence can be this monstrously bad a negotiator.

Obama had one shot with stimulus to save the economy. He blew it (The Big Picture)

It's "The blind squirrel finds a nut" time

2011-08-01T17:08:00.002-04:00

I'm sorry, I'm going to have to toot my own horn here.

Check out these two links:

China watching in shock as the US takes them to the financial cleaners:
Yangblog makes a joke in 2009 about China's smugness over owning a trillion dollars in US debt.

C'mon, that's a pretty impressive call, especially from a guy who draws giants heads for a living.

Figures. I didn't need to write about Google +. All I needed to do was share this.

2011-08-01T10:28:00.000-04:00

What a coincidence. I have the exact same incriminating pictures that need to be removed from my Facebook. Enjoy.

Thanks for the do-over, Google Plus

2011-07-31T23:57:00.003-04:00

Figures after bellyaching about all the social sites, Google would throw something out there to make us spend even more time at the computer. Like I don't spend enough time. Ask my wife. There have been times we've chatted on Skype WHILE WE'RE BOTH IN THE SAME ROOM.

An invite to Google Plus was in my mailbox it for weeks before I gave in and checked it out.

I was shocked.

Google Plus is effing great.

Some thoughts after playing around with it for a week:

1) Remember when everyone was on MySpace but it was butt ugly so you gave Facebook a try? Google Plus on a lesser level does the same thing for me. I love the simple, clean, uncluttered feeling of Google Plus and the interface is more intuitive and flows better than FB. Circles is a stroke of genius. You just drag and drop people into different circles to organize groups.

2) Figuring out privacy on FB is a pain in the ass. They make you dig around. If you're like me, you gave up and make everything public. I once saw an ugly domestic spat in FB because the couple hadn't figured out what was visible. Oops. Controlling privacy is much easier on Google Plus

3) Maybe this is just me, but my friends list on FB is a giant unorganized mess. There is no way in hell I'm going to spend time organizing it. Google Plus is a chance to redo your social networking life.

4) You can follow people like on Twitter. You don't have to reciprocate if people want to follow you. This makes a cleaner news stream. Admit it. Your newsfeed on FB is one giant, noisy mess with tons of posts about pets and babies from people you barely know.

5) You can choose which stream to follow. It is like having channels on TV. You can follow professionals in one stream, then click a button and follow friends. Streams can be followed depending on how you organize groups.

6) The personal profile page much better looking on Google +. The design has more of a clean Swiss feel. Visual professionals are legally required to like anything Swiss.

7) You can edit your posts. In FB you have to delete then reenter your posts.

8) Can't put my finger on it, but there is something about Google Plus that keeps me checking it out even though there are not many people on it. This is a very good sign. When I first put a profile up on FB, not much happened for about a year then all hell broke loose. The same thing could happen with Google Plus.

In general, Google Plus seems more grown up than FB.

We'll see how well this holds up after my goofball friends start using it.

Stuff I've Been Doing Instead of Posting On Yangblog.

2011-07-07T17:07:00.003-04:00

1) Working like a mofo. Clients like it when you do work YOU ARE PAID TO DO.

2) Playing golf when not working like a mofo.

3) Playing golf well and thinking I have found the holy grail.

4) Playing golf badly after thinking I found the holy grail.

5) Working more like a mofo to forget how badly I can play golf.

6) Making angry art for clients because I'm working through my golf issues.

6) Playing tennis when not working like a mofo. Eff golf. It is a fickle lady.

7) Begging people to play tennis who won't play with me because I am either too good or too sucky.

8) Working on working like a mofo because nobody will play tennis with me.

9) Doing sad art for clients because I'm working through my orphan tennis issues.

10) Playing the stock market when I don't have to work like a mofo.

11) Making enough money in the market to think I never have to work like a mofo again.

12) Losing enough money in the market to focus on working like a mofo. Who am I kidding? I'm no Warren Buffet.

13) Playing poker with friends when not working like a mofo or playing the market like a drunken Warren Buffet.

14) Winning enough money at poker to think I don't have to work like a mofo.

15) Losing enough money in poker to focus on working like a mofo.

16) Feeling guilty about not posting Yangblog after friend asks where the hell is Yangblog.

17) Post on Yangblog to get friend off my back.

18) Working like a mofo. What the hell am I doing wasting time posting on Yangblog?

Oi. Too Many Blogs-

2011-04-30T10:19:00.006-04:00

Damn this thing called progress. If you're a creative professional, having samples of your work available in a medium a client wants it is everything. Lucky me. I get to be born during a time where everything about illustration changes multiple times at the speed of light.

First there were portfolio books. Then the web came along and you ditched your books and created static websites which you rarely updated because updating was a pain in the ass. Then came blogs which was a brilliant way to keep people updated so you had a website and a blog. Then came Facebook which made blogging for most people unnecessary. At the moment you have Wordpress which is the mother of all sites because you can make it do everything you want with relative ease.

Lucky me.

I have all of this crap in addition to Twitter. Like stuff that collects in your house after years, my online stuff has turned into a giant clutter.

What am I going to do with all this stuff?

Here's how I'm rolling:

Planet Yang keeps you updated on everything from the creative end.
If you want smart ass Yang and updates about work, Twitter is your guy.
Facebook is pretty much what Yangblog World was before there was Facebook.
Yangblog is where I let my freedom flag fly. It gets updated whenever I feel like updating it. It is the online equivalent of riding in a convertible with the top down and letting your hair fly. In my case, it is imaginary hair.

Does that clear things up?

I didn't think so.

New Neighbor on the Yang Workspace

2011-03-29T11:01:00.000-04:00

Apple must have Marquis de Sade running their online store. They first send you the iPad cover then send you the iPad one week later. Like most Apple customers aren't already insane enough with misplaced priorities. It arrived yesterday and I told it to sit at the corner of the desk and get acquainted with his new neighbors while I bang out a deadline.

It is so painfully obvious why Apple is kicking everyone's asses. I didn't bother reading the instructions. I know how to use it. So do millions of others who own an iPhone or iPod. The instructions that come are a small piece of paper with an Apple logo that says,"Really?"

I'm sure I'll like it.

You know why?

Because Apple says I better like it. That was on the back page of the instructions.

A Little Distracted Today.

2011-03-11T12:11:00.002-05:00

Gift cards + iPad2 launch day = very distracted Yang. Trying to knock out sketches and the only thing running through my head is mine mine mine mine mine mine mine.

Damn you Steve Jobs.

Your reality distortion field is too much for one man to bear.

Designers everywhere rejoice.

2011-03-10T11:34:00.000-05:00

Designer/ Illustrator Melinda Beck has done a huge favor and created a new logo for Planet Yang. As designers know, you can never have great design without great type. I'm like Salieri when it comes to type. I'm good enough to know great type when I see it, but not good enough to create great type. Here's the conversation that changed my life.

Melinda: Do you see it? Doesn't it drive you nuts?

Me: What are you talking about?

Melinda: The spacing in "Planet Yang". There is too much space between the "Y" and the "a". It's like a huge gaping hole.

Me: Oh yeah.

Melinda: Doesn't it drive you nuts? Doesn't it drive you insane every time you look at it. It's like an ugly sore. You keep going back to it. Do you see it? Do you see it? Do you see it?

Me: OH GOD!!!!!! I SEE IT!!!! IT'S SICKENING!!!! CHANGE IT NOW!!!!!

Melinda: I'm busy. You can have it in a couple of weeks.

Me: NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

So now Planet Yang has a new logo and the site looks complete.

Type heads everywhere can now sleep in peace.

It's Never Over Unless You Want It To Be Over.

2011-03-02T09:11:00.009-05:00

Say you were one of the billions of illustrators back in the 70's and 80's who were influenced by Magritte and the Surrealists. Life was good. Giant landscapes with tiny everyman in suits and bowler hats were hot. You thought it would never end.

Suddenly it ended. You woke up one day and became Peter Frampton after Sgt. Peppers. Surrealism is played out. You are seriously effed. Oh man you are effed. Your only skill is putting tiny guys with suits into surreal landscapes. You are wandering in the wilderness like millions of other similar illustrators who now have plenty of spare time. What can you do with a style that nobody wants to publish?

You can put your vision on film or the stage and blow people's minds away.

Check out this video by Dimitris Papaioannou. He is a Greek choreographer and director who also does illustration and graphic novels. He was the director for the opening ceremony for the Athens Olympics. After seeing this, tell me he doesn't remind you of every illustrator from the era of tiny guys in business suits.

If you're ever in a coffee shop or bar and I hear you bitching and moaning about the good old days, please forgive me if I slap you across the face.

It's never over.

Unless you want it to be over.

How to Win Best Actor/Actress at The Oscars

2011-03-01T09:33:00.004-05:00

After the King's Speech won multiple awards, it dawned on me that Ricky Gervais was correct when he said the key to winning an Oscar is doing a WW2 movie, preferably something about the Holocaust. Here are more tips for actors and actresses as they choose roles that are Oscar worthy:

1) Gain weight for your role

2) Lose weight for your role

3) If you're straight, play someone gay. ( gay actors have had to play straight for years, so this is not Oscar worthy)

4) Play someone who saves the world.

6) Play someone who likes to see the world burn.

7) Act mentally challenged. The closer you can be to being offensive without being offensive the better.

8) Learn a working class Boston accent.

Good luck and look forward to seeing you at next years' Oscars.

Please keep your acceptance speech short.

I Knew I Was Missing Something About Nokia

2011-02-22T16:53:00.007-05:00

I haven't been able to get Nokia out of my head since its shares plummeted after the Microsoft announcement. Nokia is the largest manufacturer of mobile phones. They make great hardware but hideous software. Microsoft has software. Nokia is at a 5 year low. Microsoft's new interface might even be nicer than the iPhone's and Androids'.

This trade looked like a slam dunk.

Then I found this post from a former Design interface director at Nokia. He says they have one small problem. The decision makers at Nokia have no taste. Nokia has a blindness to the value of a good design at the upper levels.

This just killed my interest in Nokia until further notice.

If you work in any area of design or creation, you know if the top guy has no taste, you are dead. The best ideas will die. You can argue or beg until you are blue in the face, but all you do is ending up looking like an asshole. The inferior idea will win out and be developed and get its face ripped off its skull in the harsh light of competition.

Elop may appreciate design, but he has a whole culture to turn around. A culture with no taste means any good idea will probably be derailed.

Thank god I'm always looking for a reason to not do something when it comes to investing.

That's Me. Always Late To The Party

2011-02-21T17:40:00.002-05:00

It's been brought to my attention that birds as a device has been used to death by practically every artist on the planet. This does not bother me because it hasn't been worked to death by ME. Here is a list of other things that I have picked up way after the fact:

1) NWA. I started getting into them in 2006.

2) Gang of Four, Pavement, ect. I started listening to them at least ten years after their peaks.

3) Seinfeld. Didn't start watching the series until it was in syndication. Same with Futurama.

4) Fred Perry. This is a huge gap. They were a high end tennis line I liked as a kid in the 70's. Didn't wear it during the whole skinhead/mod era, and started wearing it again because they remind me of my dad from the 60's.

The list is endless. There is probably a betting line in Vegas for when I'll get into krumping.

The over/under should be 2015.

I Think a Friend of Mine is Sick of Birds

2011-02-21T12:55:00.000-05:00

Got this link from a friend after posting a personal piece using birds on FaceBook. He recently judged a show and probably saw more than enough bird-themed art to last a lifetime.

Awesome.

I'm doing even more birds.

Birds On the Brain

2011-02-20T10:45:00.001-05:00

It shocks me how often I miss the obvious things. One of the benefits of being an artist that everyone BUT ME figured out is having the freedom to create whatever you want. I'm usually creating for a project or for a potenial project. It hit me like a diamond bullet to the forehead what I want to draw for fun.

Birds.

I'm not talking watercolors or painting decoy ducks. That would put me into a coma. I'm talking cool birds. Cool birds are Klee's Twittering Machine and Kristien Vedel's wooden birds. I'm sure Jim Flora has birds I like. There is also an Eames bird sculpure that caught my eye.

I want do do cool birds.

Birds are nice.

Don't laugh.

I'm an artist for crying out loud.

I can draw whatever I want.

File This Under "Duh"

2011-02-19T10:20:00.002-05:00

Something hit me while reading a financial site from the Middle East. Obviously culture bends our worldview. The blind men with an elephant seems even more relevant in the internet age.

Generally speaking, financial reporting in the US skews towards optimism. CNBC loves to dismiss warning signs only to be blindsided when bad news hits. Financial reporting from the Middle East tends to fret. Even if things are going great, they are nervous that doom is just around the corner.

I'm glad to read views from different parts of the world.

Gives me a better idea about that elephant.

Financial Crisis Explained, Rock and Roll Style

2011-02-17T08:43:00.006-05:00

Why isn't Wall St in Jail? (Via Rolling Stone)

Rolling Stone does an excellent job of condensing the scandal so the reader is properly enraged.

If I was forced to commit the biggest crime in history, institutional financial fraud would be the hands down winner. I would make sure to do it in the United States because you could get your head handed to you in the wrong country. It is little understood by the public. The public does not see itself as a victim. If you don't believe me, then riddle me this:

1) Why aren't more financiers in jail? Tons of them went to jail after the S&L mess.

2) Why isn't the public pissed and calling for heads?

As in illustrator, I'm asked to boil things down to a simple thought. Let me try to boil this down.

The meltdown is bankers making bets with money they didn't have. Those bets blew up. The government decided it was best if you and I pay the bets and save the banks. That's why you lost your job, have to take a cut in pay, pay more for less, and why your clients have smaller or nonexistant budgets. It's part of settling the bet.

Pissed yet?

Great!

Not The Sharpest Knife In The Drawer Award

2011-02-16T10:52:00.000-05:00

The winner is me.

I'm declaring myself the winner for opening a blank page to start a project in Photoshop and rotating the blank page 180 degrees clockwise.

I sat there puzzled for seconds trying to figure out why nothing had changed.

It is early but odds are low that anything lamer will happen in the world today.

Redemption Coco Style

2011-02-16T09:02:00.002-05:00

Run, don't walk to this fascinating article, Coco 2.0 on Fortune.com. (via The Big Picture)

Redemption stories work for me. Especially redemption stories that include lessons about creative destruction and rubbing it in the faces of the clowns that fired you. Steve Jobs coming back to Apple is the classic redemption story. Now we have Conan O'Brien.

You know the basic part of the story. It's the classic boy has dream, boy gets dream job, boy loses dream job because another boy with a giant chin wants his job back. What you don't know is this turns out to be the best thing to happen to O'Brien. He accidentally discovers Twitter, Facebook and YouTube and connects to a new plugged in generation. It all starts innocently enough with a "I'm With Coco" Facebook page created by a fan. Coincidentally, this is the same day O'Brien resigns from NBC. Overnight the page has 100,000 fans. A light turns on inside team O'Brien's head and they embrace a new path. Turns out The Tonight Show was the dream job for the last era. In the new era, Conan connects to his fans through a variety of media and his new show is the hub. Oh and another thing. O'Brien owns the show.

Even better is stunned execs at NBC wondering what hits them as O'Brien gets bigger and NBC looks worse during his hiatus from TV. Months after the firing, the head of NBC resigns.

It's good to be the Coco.

Oh The Irony. I've Been UnFriended On Facebook.

2011-02-15T11:35:00.000-05:00

One of my nieces just unfriended me. It hurts. Oh god it hurts. I will never be the same again.

Actually it doesn't hurt. Who wants an uncle reading their page as they try to figure out growing up? Not me at that age. If memory serves me correctly, growing up consisted of a never ending series of embarrassments.

Let your freedom flag fly, niece who unfriended me.

Just don't stay out too late on school nights with it.

Stuff I Block On Facebook

2011-02-15T09:09:00.003-05:00

My Facebook page is treated like an oasis. It doesn't have to be fair. It just has to sooth like a gentle breeze. Rarely do I unfriend somebody. I make them unfriend me. My trick is to engage in a nasty wall conversation that enrages them until they unfriend me. Friend's feeds get blocked if content disrupts my oasis. Here's what will get people blocked:

All caps status updates. I don't care if you're quoting Ghandi in all caps, you are dead to me.
Political content I don't agree with. Like I said, my page is not fair.
Updates skewed by traumatic experience.
Updates skewed by traumatic romantic experience
Updates skewed by lack of romance.
Updates skewed by lack of life.
Posts that reveal you are basically a dick.
Post that are reminders of an event every day. I like being reminded. Just not every effing day for a month.
Friending me and telling me within minutes what not to post. I know. I can't leave it alone.

Friending suggestions or requests for responses requiring an app are also ignored. Apps are a trojan horse for data mining. People who are real life friends can post whatever they want.

Facebook should be an oasis for all.

Which is why I am sure most of my friends have already blocked me.

The Nerd Strikes back.

2011-02-14T15:25:00.007-05:00

I just figured out the genius that is Bill Gates.

Gates probably got picked on in school like many tech heads back in the day. He swore he would one day own the largest company ever. His dream comes true with Microsoft.

That is not the brilliant part.

Gates knows the natural cycle of companies and gives the company to the biggest bully in school at height of the cycle. Once a large corporation goes down, there is very little they can do to reverse the tide. This is doubly true if they were dominant in an industry. The bully catches all the grief and abuse while Gates looks like Ghandi in retirement. Take a look at current CEO Steve Ballmer:

Tell me he doesn't look like every school bully you've ever known.

Brilliant.

Stuff Creatives Fall For All The Time.

2011-02-14T09:27:00.005-05:00

Barry Ritholtz explains why he stopped allowing other sites to post his content. (via the Big Picture)

In a nutshell, for profit sites like the Huffington Post want contributors to share content for free with the promise of increased exposure which will generate riches in the future. Ritholtz crunched the numbers and found this to be a load of crap. In reality, you are working for free and increasing the site's bottom line. Ritholtz calls this The Big Dangle.

Designers and Illustrators fall for The Big Dangle all the time. Client has insufficient budget but promises more work in the future. The other pitch is no money but increased exposure. If this is the pitch from a potential client to my rep, the answer is usually no.

This is not to say we won't do a project for a charitable cause or a special situation. I'm talking about a client asking for a project intended to increase his bottom line. There has been the rare situation where our instincts told us it was worth the gamble. We've been lucky and those rare cases paid off.

My agent and I are no Charlie Brown.

The football trick is not going to work.

The Holy Crap, The World Is Coming To An End Award.

2011-02-13T18:26:00.001-05:00

I can't figure out which is the sign of the Apocalypse:

One out of three of Russians think the sun revolves around the Earth (via Yahoo)

Or

Bieber and Sandler top the movie charts this week. (via Entertainment Week)

You decide.

College Sports Story That Doesn't Make Me Throw Up

2011-02-13T09:40:00.003-05:00

Andrew Luck, probable first pick in the NFL, decides to stay at Stanford to complete his degree in Architectural Design. (via New York Times)

Maybe it's the Asian upbringing, but any story about a student choosing education over sports, even if he is going to be an NFL star, works for me. His standing as QB for one of the best teams in the country is no big deal at Stanford. He's just another talented student. You know why? Because it's STANFORD.

I was surprised how many columns criticized Luck for staying in school. They question Luck for passing up millions at risk of injury or suspect he has a strategic reason for staying in school. Few of his critics believe he actually likes architecture. I can understand the skepticism. Architectural Design is the major you pick if you want to slide through college. I bet there are tons of football players majoring in architectural design in the SEC. There is a word for these critics.

Losers.

Most Dickish Thing I've Experienced on Facebook

2011-02-12T09:14:00.000-05:00

Person asks to friend me. He is in the field so I oblige. Within minutes of being friended, he asks if I would not post samples of my work on my wall. He doesn't like seeing artists post their work on his newsfeed.

I'm looking for a rendering of a middle finger to post on his wall.

At least it's not my work so he shouldn't be offended.

Regime Change Ghandi Style.

2011-02-11T23:29:00.001-05:00

(photo from New.Clear.Vision)

Maybe I'm naive. Let me watch people in Tahrir square dance, hug and weep in celebration as the unthinkable seems to be happening. Mubarak has resigned. The military promises reforms. I want to believe for a moment that idealism is not a waste of time.

If you're cynical and fretting about what this means on a geopolitical scale, take an enema. Give it a rest for a day. You can be an armchair Kissinger tomorrow.

To quote David Bowie as Warhol from "Basquiat", you don't even know what good is anymore.

Seriously.

I Can't Help Myself. I'm Such an A-Hole At Times

2011-02-11T16:15:00.000-05:00

Conan finds even more offensive Groupon Ads.

I think they are real.

Told You So About Groupon

2011-02-11T15:55:00.000-05:00

Groupon pulls controversial Tibet Ad (via Reuters)

CEO apologizes profusely on company blog for the ads. He basically said he was blindsided by the reaction. I believe him.

It's not enough for some people. Some are claiming Groupon is secretly happy with the free press generated by the controversy. In other words, some people are idiots. Like a site that saves you money on stuff you want wouldn't be interesting enough.

It's an honest mistake.

Geez.

I'm No Henry Blodget But. . .

2011-02-11T12:13:00.004-05:00

Nokia's stock is getting pounded after Elop announced the partnership with Microsoft. Analysts hate it and say they should have partnered with Google.

I don't know about that.

For my tastes, Android is like a complicated version of the iPhone. The experience is all right, but it seems very "me too" compared with the iPhone. Visually both the iPhone and Android interface are starting to seem dated. Microsoft's Windows Phone 7 is still not fully baked, but has a refreshing take on the interface and reviews from geeks say it is fast and enjoyable to use. Nokia's hardware was never the problem. It's their awful approach to the user experience that is their achilles heel.

Maybe I'm missing something. I'm probably missing something.

Whatever.

I'm keeping an eye on it.

That Was Quick

2011-02-11T11:17:00.001-05:00

Mubarak finally stepped down. Never mind.

Forget I said anything.

Why Is Mubarak Staying? That's Easy.

2011-02-11T10:52:00.003-05:00

Everybody is shocked that Mubarak is staying and risking a tipping point in Egypt.

Here's my take:

1) Mubarak is 81 years old. Old people hate change. My mom was a sharp investor. When she got old, she held onto a losing position far beyond the point of reason. It was exasperating but she couldn't be persuaded. Mubarak's actions seem like a replay of my mom.

2) President of Egypt must be one of the best jobs in the world. It is obviously worth clinging onto even with the protests of millions and your country on edge. I'm sure President of Egypt pays better than President of the United States. By a mile.

3) Mubarak knows what happened to Bear Bryant. He was a legendary football coach for Alabama. He was old and looked like he could live and coach forever. Bryant finally retired. Within a few months, he died.

Mubarak's actions don't surprise me. If they surprise you, you haven't been around old people.

First Week of Art School is like Hollywood Week on Idol.

2011-02-11T09:05:00.005-05:00

It bothers me that I'm technically a functional adult yet engrossed with Hollywood Week on American Idol. I finally figured out why:

Hollywood week brings back memories of the first week of art school.

If you're going to art school, you were probably one of the best students at your high school. You think you're hot shit. Suddenly you're with students worldwide who were the best at their school. Some of them actually ARE hot shit. Reality hits hard if you're a pretender. Nothing like looking at a bunch of talented students wondering if they think you suck.

In my case, I thought I was good but scared. Being from a small school in Oklahoma makes you aware there is a lot in this world you don't know. The first day of figure drawing was a disaster. As the model undressed, other students started sketching like they've done this for years. Not having life drawing experience, I stared blankly at the page with a pencil frozen in my hand. The teacher finally came over, took my pencil and started drawing the figure for me.

Embarrassing.

The first project submitted for critique is similar to the first time the Idol kids sing on the big stage. It is time to show what you bring, see if you can handle the pressure, and your first critique from the instructor. Students pin work on a wall for everyone to see. The stress is insane. I remember my reaction upon seeing the work.

Relief.

There were two or three students who were scary good, but four or five students who should have never majored in art. The reactions of students realizing where they stood spanned the gamut of emotions. It looked like I would survive if I worked hard.

That's why Hollywood Week appeals to me.

It reminds me of a scary yet exhilarating time.

So Numbingly Dumb it Borders On Brilliant Award

2011-02-10T12:50:00.003-05:00

Stacey Champion (via the Huffington Post)

Stacey wins for trying to mail a puppy through regular mail from Georgia to Minnesota as a surprise for her son. Postal workers later hear noise from a package and rescue the dehydrated puppy.

Stacey gets bonus points because she wanted the puppy back and and 22 dollars for shipping. The authorities said no.

Well done.

Better You Than Me Because My Wife Would Kill Me Award

2011-02-10T09:56:00.002-05:00

Representative Christopher Lee (Via Gawker)

Mr Lee wins the prize for sending a topless shot of himself to a woman on Craigslist. He has a wife and a son. Craigslist woman gets suspicious and sends photo to Gawker. Oops.

I doubt this would happen to me because I'm too embarrassed to even send a topless shot of myself to my wife.

I Hate It When Stupid People Diss Me.

2011-02-10T08:06:00.004-05:00

Major breach of etiquette I have to get off my chest.

A friend recently asked why I was shorting a couple of sectors. I said because insiders in those sectors have been dumping their stock at the highest pace since 2007. He teased me for missing the fall runup since he is long and strong and starts talking out of his butt about how markets work. Late fall is when insiders were selling like mad.

Guess I won't show him this. It's a study that found execs for major banks cashed out their stock before the collapse and left shareholders holding the bag. Guess what? It happens with corporations and shareholders all the time.

You're welcome but don't tell my friend.

How Does Something Like Tim Hutton Dissing Tibet Happen?

2011-02-10T07:21:00.006-05:00

It is easier than you think. Here is my take:

Groupon wants an ad that stands out in the Super Bowl. You have two factors that cause unusual stress. One is an insanely large audience. The other is 3 million dollars a minute for airtime. You choose Crispin Porter + Bogusky as your agency because CP+B is a hot agency known for cutting edge advertising. This is your ticket to stand out.

They pitch the campaign. You are startled and nervous. Cutting edge is supposed to startle you. Cutting edge means you hit the jackpot or you crap out. You figure this is a good thing and give the green light. You're the effing CEO, for crying out loud. CEO's get paid for the tough calls.

That's how you get Tim Hutton unintentionally dissing Tibet at the Super Bowl.

Egads. Being Creatively Destructed Looks Like This

2011-02-09T16:12:00.005-05:00

I used to be a Nokia fan back in the day at the beginning of smart phones. Nokia was king. It was fun going to Hong Kong and looking at designs by Nokia and Sony Ericsson that were not available in the US. It was like Christmas every day for a tech geek like me. I was in Hong Kong in 2007 when Apple announced the iPhone.

Suddenly every phone on the planet seemed obsolete.

Since that day, Nokia has been staggering like a punch drunk baboon looking for answers.

Read the letter from Nokia CEO Stephen Elop giving troops the bad news. He says Nokia is like a burning platform and their choice is either burn or dive into the frigid water. Lucky him. He wins the job as CEO and this is his reward. He knows they are effed.

Seriously seriously effed.

Children's Books That Don't Suck

2011-02-09T11:34:00.001-05:00

I finally reached a tipping point with friends' kids and other illustrators asking. The time has come to write another children's book. The first step is visiting the local Barnes and Noble to see books currently available.

What a mistake. Outside of past classics and hits, the majority of new books are a huge steaming mess. They are so bad it almost uninspired me from doing another book. Fortunately, many of my Facebook friends are fellow illustrators who have books out that are wonderful and I saw their stuff at the store.

Here is a small list of illustrators whose books you should check out:

Carin Berger. She does great collages. Carin is also one of my favorite Facebook posters as she always finds interesting prints and images to share.

Stephen Savage. His new book, Where's Walrus, is a wordless book with great visual puns and a charming style. His was one of two new books I saw that inspired.

Sean Qualls. Sean's book with Spike Lee, Giant Steps to Change the World, was the other book I saw. Sean is a good friend but that is not why he is here. The man can paint.

Please do yourself a favor and check these books out.

The world needs less crap.

Really Glad I'm Not This Person Because I Would Have to Shoot Myself Award

2011-02-09T09:19:00.001-05:00

Lindsay Lohan is the winner for the following reasons:

1) Her parents.

2) Her upcoming arrest for grand larceny WHILE ON PROBATION.

3) Because she's Lindsay Lohan.

Any of these were enough to win.

Why Yangblog Was Wrong All These Years

2011-02-09T07:26:00.001-05:00

My favorite blog BY FAR is Barry Rithotz's "The Big Picture". It is one of the few places where you can find a real attempt at intellectual honesty. When the most accurate news source is The Daily Show, you know bullshit is king.

He recently wrote about about blogging that hit home. Here is an excerpt explaining the reasons to blog:

Blogs? Yeah We Got That

1. You have something to say
2. You enjoy the craft of writing
3. You want to figure out what you think, and do so in public
4. You want to be part of a larger community of like minded individuals
5. You have a hobby or interest that you are really, really into
6. You want to maintain a presence on the Intertubes
7. You have an expertise and you want to share it
8. You have an eye for content (text, graphics and video) and you enjoy leading other people to them
9. You want to create a permament online record of what you are reading, looking at or thinking about
10. You like engaging in debate with total strangers

That’s off the top of my head.

Note that each of these bullet points begins with YOU. Blogs are about what YOU want to produce, regardless of how many readers shows up. The Big Picture would more or less be the same content with 100 or a 100,000 daily readers.
People are often surprised to learn that I write for me, not for the readers. That keeps it honest (as opposed to the SEO-driven content-farm material). It also helps to quiet the voices in my head.

Notice what I specifically did not list as reasons to blog:

1. building a business;
2. developing a brand;
3. monetizing content;
4. getting media exposure;
5. Getting a book deal;
6. Getting bought by a larger company.

This is where I went astray. For years I was focusing on entertaining people instead of what I wanted to write. Frankly, there are not enough readers to make this rewarding and I started feeling boxed in. Marketers say you should focus content, but sometimes marketers are talking out of their butt. Yangblog is going to be a random mess.

Just like my brain.

Wish I Knew Less About the Market

2011-02-08T18:48:00.001-05:00

My interest in both illustration and the market may seem strange until you learn my grandfather was a painter and my mother was a savvy investor back in the day.

There have been times when the market had a relentless move up and a sick feeling developed in my stomach when I was long.

The first time was 2000 and the second was 2007. I got defensive enough both times to live for another day. The feeling came back again last year.

This is the strangest pattern I have ever seen. No ebbs and flows, just a steady low volume move upward since the fall. The best strategy has been to be blissful like Homer Simpson without a worry in the world. Obviously, Mr Market couldn't care less what I think. This move fits a chart from the late 30's that my advisor pointed out. If this pattern holds, ugliness will follow.

But for now, the market marches happily upward while asking me how it feels to be an idiot.

I should really stick to drawing pictures.

Happy I'm Not This Person Award

2011-02-08T14:36:00.003-05:00

1) Groupon CEO Andrew Mason. Defending an ad many saw as insulting to Tibet seems like a perfect way to spend a week if I'm spending that week in the seventh ring of Hell.

2) Anyone with the last name of Wilpon or Katz. On the plus side, you're a multimillionaire. On the down side, the Trustee for Madoff victims says you're on the hook for 1 BILLION DOLLARS. Oh and another thing. In the court of law, judges favor trustees over defendants.

Glad to be inside drawings sketches.

Oh No. Someone is Going to Sing the National Anthem.

2011-02-08T11:10:00.003-05:00

Christina Aguilera has been roundly criticised for her Super Bowl performance of the National Anthem. Her flubbing the lyrics didn't bother me. It was her overworked vocal gymnastics that caused much pain. It was like a nightmare where every day is an American Idol audition. To my ears it sounded like this:

Maya Rudolf's hilarious interpretation of the National Anthem diva style.

Enjoy.

Stuff I Learned About Politics That Has Calmed Me Down.

2011-02-08T08:28:00.004-05:00

Nothing bothered me more than the increasingly nasty discourse of politics. People are demonized. Facts are distorted to fit a political view. The behavior of people discussing politics is infantile and it pissed me off to no end.

Then I learned something about crowd psychology in economic cycles. This behavior is not unusual. During expansions, people work together. The world is like the Brady Bunch on steroids. When things go bad, people split into groups, factions, and tribes. As things grow more ominous, divisions get nastier. Sometimes this breaks out into riots and wars. Suddenly the Brady Bunch has turned into Kate and Jon. It is a natural part of the cycle.

In poker, when someone accidentally tips their hand this is known as a "tell". I stopped moaning and bitching about politics and started paying attention.

I'm no Warren Buffett, but perhaps this is a big fat tell.

Stuff I'm Not Going to Publish on Facebook Anymore.

2011-02-07T22:53:00.004-05:00

If there are regrets about content I have posted on Facebook, political content would top the list. I don't know what the hell I was thinking. Maybe I naively thought people's opinions can be changed.

Nothing could be further from the truth. Studies have shown political bias is a form of insanity and the human brain is hard wired to cling to bias even when presented with hard facts to the contrary.

I'm not doing it anymore.

The only exception is John Stewart and Steven Colbert. They are both hilarious and in my Facebook world, being funny trumps all.

Best pitch by a client to convince me to say yes.

2011-02-07T10:56:00.002-05:00

Just got a call this weekend to design a logo for a startup company. I had done a logo many years ago for another company they later sold.

The partner said they were using an agency that did not impress and wanted to give me the account because I nailed it with their last company.

Flattery will get you everywhere.

Now if I can not hyperventilate, everything should be fine.

Maybe My Friend Has a Point

2011-02-07T10:46:00.005-05:00

Number of Facebook friend comments about a post on cooking pasta: 17

Number of Facebook friend comments on a post about us paying for the sins of banks during the meltdown: 1

What Macroeconomics, Comedy, and Illustration have in common.

2011-02-07T08:51:00.005-05:00

Friends and I were critiquing content posted by Facebook friends. One friend was teasing me about posting economic content because "only one percent of people even have a retirement fund". One percent of people caring is probably true. So why do I find this stuff interesting?

Here's an article by Michael Lewis in Vanity Fair about the Irish meltdown which is fascinating. It is about greed, delusion, and denial. What caught my eye is a section about Merrill Lynch analyst Philip Ingram. He saw something that didn't add up. He went to Ireland and became more suspicious. Ingram wrote a critical report and was fired because Ireland was a client of Merrill and Irish officials were furious. His view did not fit with what the crowd was seeing. Several months later, the bubble popped.

Comedians Ricky Gervais and Larry David in a six part video discussing comedy. Both mention comedy as an intellectual exercise in seeing reality from a different angle. They both think about the dynamics of behavior in great detail. No wonder they stand above the rest.

An illustrators job is to find a variant idea that connects with an intended audience. Ironically, many of my clients are in finance. One past client, Institutional Investor, paid the nicest compliment. An editor said if they had an article they didn't understand, they gave it to me because I had a way of breaking it down and keeping it simple.

Macroeconomics, comedy and illustration have something in common.

They are about seeing what others have missed.

Superbowl Sunday Links.

2011-02-06T08:39:00.005-05:00

Yangblog is going to be more about sharing. Here are some guilty football themed pleasures to get you ready for the big game.

If you like your schadenfreude (and who doesn't) these should work for you:

Dan Snyder, possibly the worst football owner in the world.

Angry, Sad Cowboy fans on The Dallas Morning News Cowboy blog. Read user comments when a season goes bad for the Cowboys. Nothing is more entertaining than watching distraught Cowboy fans trying to cope. You see all the stages of grief. Jerry Jones is a better owner than Snyder but hubris is his undoing season after season.

If you like vindication stories, this is for you. Packers GM Ted Thompson was criticized for being insane when he took over the Packers and replaced local legend Brett Farve. He wasn't being crazy. He was planning for long term success over short term gain. Now the Packers are one of the youngest and most talented teams in the NFL.

This is one of the earliest parodies with "Downfall". Hitler is upset about the Cowboys loss to the Giants in 2008. Apologies to Cowboy fans for making this so Cowboy-themed, but this is one of the cleverest Downfall Memes.

Enjoy the game, and if not the game, at least the commercials.

Reboot.

2011-02-06T07:38:00.001-05:00

It dawned on me why I haven't written in a while.

I need a change of direction. Not with my life, but with Yangblog.

While it is fun to make people laugh, Yangblog understands humor gets stale. Admit it. Jim Carry does not make you laugh anymore. If you see him mug for the camera one more time, you are going to go insane and throw your television through a brick wall. I know I am.

From now on, Yangblog is about "Whatever pops into my big round head". It is not a marketing tool, it is not a diary. It is now a place for me to think out loud and you are welcome to visit.

Do not despair.

Even Tiger is not Tiger anymore.

That's a really bad metaphor, but you know what I mean.

More with the Yangblogs!

2010-11-18T17:32:00.000-05:00

I know my updates have been rare these days but let me be honest. I haven't been in a storytelling mood. Instead of wasting your time with unmotivated CRAP, I have been silent. It is much better to waste your time with drivel that is sincere and heartfelt.

If you have been feeling Yangblog withdrawal symptoms, please join on Twitter where I will have short inane comments that you have grown to love.

Speaking of inane, here's a recent conversation from your favorite series, "Meet The Yangblogs!"

Setting: Taipei

Mrs. Yangblog: "I just learned that an aboriginal group in Taiwan is going to perform. They have their own language that is completely different from Taiwanese!"

Me: "A completely different language? That's wild. What does it sound like?"

Mrs. Yangblog: "It sounds like words you don't understand."

(silence)

I can't believe we still haven't won a Nobel Prize for Physics.

Hey Yangblog! We Miss You! What's Up from China?

2010-10-30T02:36:00.001-04:00

Sorry I've been away. Mrs Yangblog has been dragging my ass from Shanghai to Hong Kong to Taipei where I have finally climbed out from a mountain of work. Trust me, I'm not complaining about work in this post-collapse world. Since we're a couple that shares everything, she also decided to give me her COUGH FROM HELL which she got from another dancer.

So between deciding whether to write Yangblog or CLING TO MY EBBING LIFE you will understand why you get the short stick.

Shanghai is a great city, but it is slightly unsettling. You cannot get Facebook, Twitter or YANGBLOG in China. As you can imagine, I was pissed. No, I wasn't pissed that my site was blocked. I'm pissed because Yangblog is a distant third to Facebook and Twitter when it comes to market cap. You would think a person would be upset by the lack of available information in China, but they have this way of calming you down by pumping you full of the best damn soup dumplings on the planet. Let me tell you something. It works.

I would love to tell you about Taipei, but it's been raining for the last week and I have been cooped inside working like a madman. Even with this, Taipei is my kind of town. You don't need to find good food in Taipei. It will find you. That's right. You will be walking down the street and a tiny dumpling with legs will run towards you and jump into your mouth. You do not fight it. You let the tiny dumpling jump as you drift away into dumpling bliss.

Nanjing Street near People's Square. I might be wrong, but I'm too fried to fact check. Just roll with me on this one.

Modern Shanghai. Modern Shanghai kind of looks like a city designed by the creators for "The Matrix" or Marvel Comics.

See what I'm talking about? They have elevated streets for crying out loud. I'm so pissed. I want elevated streets.

Saw this in Taipei. I think it is a giant android dumpling and it was running towards me. I did not hang around to wait for it to jump into my mouth.

That's it for now.

I've gotta go and find Mrs Yangblog.

I'm about to cough and want her to hear it.

Notes From Hong Kong: Entourage Edition

2010-10-13T23:02:00.009-04:00

I'm back in Hong Kong for my yearly visit but this one is a little different.

Abby is performing in Shanghai and Taipei so I'm tagging along as her one-person entourage.

Here are my responsibilities:

1) Look pretty

2) If this is not possible, look clean.

3) If this is not possible, at least smell clean.

4) Don't say anything. My job is to be at her side and look clean-ish.

5) The performance is 50 minutes long. Under no circumstances am I to drink any beverage. As readers know, Yangblog is Korean for "Human liquid filter".

6) Under no circumstances am I to say, "Break a leg" to the other dancers. In Hong Kong, "break a leg" means you want them to have a compound fracture in the leg.

7) Actually, one of the dancers gave Mrs Yangblog a nasty flu when he came to rehearsals so I'm going to say "break a leg" to him.

8) Abby just told me she will break my leg if I tell him to break his leg so forget I said anything.

9) Don't eat all the finger foods at the reception.

10) Don't eat with my fingers at the reception. Use chopsticks for crying out loud.

If you will excuse me the 12 hour difference is making the whole room spin.

I need to spin counterclockwise so I won't throw up.

Stuff That Scares Me

2010-10-04T22:41:00.004-04:00

To be Yangblog is to be burdened by thoughts that would break a lesser man.

Prepare yourself for deep thoughts:

1) All the stories about bedbugs in New York make me worried about bedbugs. I either have bedbugs or am imagining I have bedbugs. Either way, I'm itchy all the time.

2) I am worried my friends have bedbugs but are not telling me. If they don't have bedbugs, how come they are covered in bandages?

3) Maybe they are wrapped in bandages because they are worried that I HAVE BEDBUGS and are protecting themselves. This worries me because I don't have bedbugs. I'm just imagining I have bedbugs.

4) I'm thinking if the bedbugs are real, they hide until I sleep. They rearrange the furniture at night and move it back to its original place before I wake up.

5) I'm worried the bedbugs know my ATM number.

6) They are also making international calls. Bedbugs are dicks.

If you will excuse me, a friend just called.

He said to cut it out because my apartment is fine. I don't have bedbugs.

(silence)

Now I'm really confused.

Who has been moving around my furniture?

Fun With Getting Paid

2010-09-14T17:07:00.008-04:00

Forgive my tardiness but you will have to understand. Yangblog has been a very busy busy man with clients asking why they shouldn't RIP MY EARS OFF because they want their sketches NOW. There has simply not been enough hours in the day. Between this and Chappelle Show reruns, you can understand how I have been overwhelmed.

A friend of mine is a yoga teacher who has been trying to pay me back for lunch. Since she is a new friend my other friends do not know, this is a perfect chance to impress them. I asked her to pay me back in one of the following ways:

1) Since I regularly take her class I'm always looking for ways to SHOW UP people in class. Mrs Yangblog gets exasperated because she says I'm missing the point of yoga. I don't care. I go to intimidate the hell out of everybody. Since I SUCK at every other sport, I have to be a yoga alpha dog.

I asked her to give me money in front of the other students and say it was for my "stellar downward dog".

In your face yoga girl with the matching unitard and mat.

2) An exhibit at the School of Visual Arts Gallery called "Where is My Vote? Posters for the Green Movement in Iran." is opening this Thursday from 6-8pm. There are many fancy pants illustrators and designers participating. One of the fancy pants illustrators involved is ME. Yangblog's friend is coming so I asked her to wait until I was talking to someone MORE FANCY PANTS THAN ME. As she is coming over, I would like her to say, "You're poster is so beautiful, words alone cannot express my feelings."

Then I want her to cry uncontrollably, put the money in my hands and run away.

If you will excuse me, I just saw Mrs. Yangblog on Skype.

She is telling me to stop torturing my friends.

(sad face)

I never get to have any fun.

Deep Thoughts

2010-08-30T16:43:00.003-04:00

Are you ready for deep thoughts?

If not, are you ready for Yangblog thoughts?

1) If a club has "High Class" or "Gentlemen" in its name, it is the opposite. You are not going to see David Niven, Carey Grant, or early Sean Connery in tuxes when you go to a gentleman's club. They are also not going to do high class stuff like debating the finer points of tweed.

Just a word to the wise

2) If you want the most awkward interpersonal experience ever, try hugging your golf instructor. My instructor has finally gotten through my thick head and now the game of golf is no longer the SEVENTH RING OF HELL. I am so grateful I went to the range to hug him. He is an Australian. He used to work with Hank Haney who used to be Tiger Wood's coach. Yangblog is one hundred percent sure my coach did not want a hug. I did not want to give him a hug but felt only though EXTREME AWKWARDNESS could I fully express my appreciation. Here is a list of people who are less awkward to hug than a golf instructor:

a) Caligula

b) Stephen Hawking

c) People with no arms.

So we went ahead and had one of those "We're a couple of guys and we are not gay." hugs.

I'm not going to lie.

It would have been less awkward to hug an armless Caligula.

3) Never eat a salad with garlic, onions and "stinky fish" on a first date. Never sit outside eating a box of cream puffs made from Madagascar vanilla beans if you want to be left alone. Never ever ever wash down a dozen cream puffs made from Madagascar vanilla beans with a warm bottle of beer. This is especially important if you are hiding in a small tent.

Hopefully this has made the world a safer place for you.

Hey Yangblog! Turn off Those Headlights!

2010-08-18T19:47:00.006-04:00

Abby and I have this ritual whenever she goes back to Hong Kong for another project. She is concerned and goes through a checklist of do's and don'ts so I won't suffer the MOTHER OF ALL DOOM when she leaves.

During the heat wave this summer, Abby found a great shirt from Uniqlo for me. It is a black v-neck tee shirt made from "wicking" material so you can sweat and nobody will notice. Since Yangblog is Korean for "He Who Sweats Like a Fountain", this shirt was the shirt of my dreams. Abby was very happy with the shirt but she gave me a warning:

Under no circumstances am I to ever, ever, EVER buy the white shirt.

I love my new black shirt. It went with everything. On humid days, I was cool as a cucumber. I wore it to poker. I wore it to yoga. I wore it everywhere. Naturally, the second Abby left for Hong Kong, I DISOBEYED HER and bought the white version of the shirt.

What a nightmare.

The shirt uses a mesh pattern to wick the sweat and when I put on the white shirt, you can see my nipples. If you look closely enough, you can make out the faint outline of a belly button. Girls keep staring at me when I walk on the street but they also see my wedding ring and know I am "forbidden fruit". While working out and sweating at the gym, the shirt became semi-transparent. It was like I had suddenly turned into a Latin porn star. Saying I looked like a porn star might be an exaggeration. I looked like a middle aged past his prime porn star with a giant ochre head.

To make things worse, the shirt is considered "underwear" and cannot be returned.

I would love to tell you more but I have to shoo some girls away from my window.

They keep asking me how much for an hour.

Say Cheese, Yangblog!

2010-08-03T13:21:00.004-04:00

There is one question that has puzzled the world since the beginning of time. No, I'm not talking about how the Kardashians manage to stay famous. This question is even more puzzling:

Why am I such a bad photographer? It doesn't make sense. I studied art, had training in photography and spend my whole life making images THAT DO NOT SUCK. The inner village idiot comes to full bloom with a camera in my hand.

I think I have figured out why.

Photography is about catching the moment because once the moment passes, it is gone FOREVER and all you have left is your imperfect memory. Knowing this, the pressure builds as I fumble to find the right settings and lighting and composition. The ticking gets louder and louder and I'm still not satisfied and suddenly in a BLIND PANIC I scream and frantically push random buttons like a baboon on crack. Taking a picture is more stressful than anything that happened in "The Hurt Locker".

I don't normally plug products but I finally found the camera of my dreams. The Canon S90 is the best camera I've ever had. The buttons make sense and has old school ring controls so you can adjust exposure on the fly without having to pop a blood vessel figuring out the menus. For once I'm not in a cold panic when taking a shot.

There is just one minor problem:

The images still suck. Apparently, my decision making is just as bad in a calm, rational state. On the bright side, my photos now suck with beautiful clarity and color.

Let me show you what I'm talking about:

I know what you're thinking: There is nothing wrong with this picture. It is cleverly composed with great texture and color. This was accidentally taken while I was adjusting the camera settings. It is also the best shot I have taken in years.

This is titled, "Portrait of a blurry wife that I'm pretending is an abstract art shot but we all know that is not why the portrait is blurry."

Title: Portrait of two friends blinking while the third friend is partially blinking.

Title: Still life with beer cans, poker chips, and a friend who is giving me the finger because I'm taking a still life with beer cans and poker chips.

If you will excuse me, I just got a call from Canon.

They are offering me serious money after seeing my photographs.

They are offering money if I promise to use Nikon.

Time to Clean out the Psychic Garbage Bin: Confessions

2010-07-24T11:37:00.001-04:00

While walking to golf in Brooklyn, I went into a Polish deli to buy drinks. Yangblog just got back from Poland and now has a deep love for all things Polish. The owner is an old Polish woman who speaks with a heavy accent. I said "good morning" in Polish. The woman scowled and wanted to know why an Asian guy was speaking HER language. Feelings hurt, I went to the German deli around the corner and goofed on the Polish with the Germans.

The following week while walking by the Polish deli, I saw a young woman outside. She was the daughter of the owner. After buying drinks, we had a nice brief talk about Poland and she was thrilled to hear I was a fan of everything Polish.

I left out that I was a fan of everything Polish EXCEPT HER MOM.

Hopefully she doesn't know anyone at the German deli.

The German deli doesn't sell the Gatorade I like.

Hey Yangblog! Where The Hell Have You Been?

2010-07-13T12:57:00.001-04:00

I know I've been bad but please understand.

I've been in Poland, the land of beer gardens where you can have ice cream and cake with your beer.

The beer tastes like candy.

The ice cream tastes like heaven.

Grilled meats taste so good it is MORALLY WRONG not to eat them, and the cafe life is so comfortable all you want to do is yammer existential nonsense like Sting until the sun goes down.

I have finally come home.

Piled on my desk are deadlines as far as the eye can see.

My agent just called and told me to get my fat existential ass back to work.

Farewell Poland.

I will miss your sausage salads and the pouty-faced waitresses who served them.

Notes from Katowice: We All Scream for Ice Cream

2010-07-01T08:08:00.001-04:00

Town Square Bytom, Poland 2010. Soft Ice cream that tastes like a chocolate cupcake mashed into ice cream form. It is called a "Party Mix" which is appropriately named since it is a party for your mouth. The mom in the photo turned around while I was shooting and started laughing at me for shooting the ice cream.

Feelings hurt, I told her I was only shooting the ice cream to show why Polish moms her age are going to DIE OF HEART ATTACKS.

And I said it in Polish.

I also did that angry gesturing thing Eastern Europeans do.

Notes from Katowice: Katowice Zoo 2010

2010-07-01T07:57:00.000-04:00

Katowice Zoo, 2010. Glad to see they are teaching children in Poland practical lessons like amphibians with teeth are adorable.

Notes From Katowice: Let's Talk Meats

2010-06-24T06:00:00.006-04:00

Longtime Readers know "Yangblog World" originally started as travel notes from around the world send to friends before the social network era. Abby is performing in Poland and all she needed to say was "Land of meats" for me to grab my laptop and set up shop in Poland. I have never been to Poland but had a college roomate of Polish decent so this should make me an expert on Polish culture.

Here are my first jet-lagged reactions of Poland:

1) Watching too many spy movies warps your view of Eastern Europe. We are staying in a hotel that is typical of hotels from the communist era in the 60's. It has been updated but you know it's a COMMUNIST UTILITARIAN HOTEL FROM THE 60's. I feel like Jason Bourne. Abby has told me to stop wiretapping guests. She says it's "rude".

2) Abby is working with a Hong Kong- Polish exchange project. Hong Kong people are all about efficiency, planning and logistics. Poles think all that stuff is overrated and trust things will magically work out. Watching the culture clash is more fun than movies.

3) While at the airport in Frankfurt, a bunch of tourists crowded around a television to watch Portugal DEPANTS North Korea. When I told the tourists I was Korean, they looked at me with pity. I tried to explain my parents were from South Korea but nobody cared. In their eyes, Koreans = Guys getting their asses kicked by the Portuguese.

4) Poles are very nice and helpful. They are not used to seeing Asians in Poland. I am not used to seeing Poles in Poland. We spend a lot of time smiling and staring at each other.

5) Europeans have the cafe life down to an art. Sitting on your ass for hours with coffee feels like a lifestyle in Europe while sitting on your ass with a coffee for hours elsewhere feels like you're a coffee drinking loser sitting on your ass.

Enough talk, here's a couple of pics!

Glad to see the stereotype of Eastern Europe as the land of meats is a myth. They have SAUSAGE SALAD for crying out loud.

Also glad to see that outdated technology in Eastern Europe is a myth. Warning: some of the phones are the size of a human head.

Nice. The Poles aren't stealing state secrets, they are stealing YANG secrets and turning them into sculpture. I'm warning you, Poles. Back off or I will have a pack of lawyers on you and you will be shipping a mountain of Zlotys so fast it will make your head spin. I swear to god this will be your newfound hell once I am finished. Abby just told me to cut it out because suing our hosts is "rude".

The performance will be held at a power plant that is still working. This isn't adding to my feeling that I'm in a Bond movie one little bit.

That's it for now.

I have to go buy a scuba suit and night goggles.

Kind of Live Blogging of the Tonys!

2010-06-13T21:40:00.006-04:00

Reactions while half-watching the Tonys in the background!

1) The announcer excitedly claims this is the most groundbreaking season EVER on Broadway with music from Elvis and Sinatra. Is it just me or are they trying to be ironic on purpose?

2) Bunch of performances from various nominated musicals open the show. Green Day appears as the last act in the opener. Green Day is a punk rock band. They play punk rock music. The energy in Radio City Music Hall shoots up 1000 percent. The non-Broadway crowd is going nuts. The Broadway crowd looks concerned. Yangblog expects Broadway performers to pop an aneurism as they frantically try to match Green Day's energy.

3) Elvis look-alikes from "Memphis" pop an aneurism trying to follow up Green Day's energy.

4) Performers from "La Cage Aux Folies" in drag delight the audience. This IS a groundbreaking year for Broadway. Nobody associates Broadway with drag queens.

5) Scarlett Johansson wins best actress. I have no idea about her winning performance. It is Scarlett Johansson in HD. I'm sure she deserved to win.

6) Lots of long rambling speeches with tears from winners. It's like everybody is impersonating a a drag queen version of Liza Minnelli.

7) Lots of exaggerated expressions and gestures from various performances. I once heard a director explain you have to magnify your expressions and gestures depending on the medium. This probably explains what Yangblog is seeing. Either that or Broadway performers are nuts.

8) The "Third Rock From the Sun" guy is host. He is trying to make people forget he was in "Third Rock From the Sun". He has failed. You know why? Because I have written "Third Rock From the Sun" three times already.

9) Yangblog is confused. The announcer said groundbreaking but I keep seeing stuff that my parents saw IN THEIR YOUTH. Maybe they meant they have groundbreaking technology that can send us back in time.

Yangblog just realized I have mondue boiling which means my stomach has decided live blogging is over.

The sauce for mondue is three parts soy sauce, one part vinegar, right?

Hey Yangblog! How Does It Feel To Be Fancy Pants?

2010-06-08T12:00:00.006-04:00

A couple of weeks ago, I got an email from Charles Hively, publisher of 3x3 Magazine. It was regarding the International Professional Show annual. I was hoping to get a couple of pieces into the show.

The news was better.

An animation done with Director/Animator Dave Redl won BEST OF SHOW.

Here's the winning piece:

Globe Guy: James Yang and Dave Redl

As you can imagine, people are upset. People are not upset because they resent Yangblog. People are upset because a Yangblog with a GOD COMPLEX is a pain in the ass.

My new hero has changed from "Ghandi" to "Caligula". Yangblog only wears colors that compliment a "Best of Show" glow. Abby is ready to kill me because I'm hogging the mirror. Friends have stopped playing sports because they are tired of losing to me on purpose. My agent has gone insane trying to explain why we can't charge a kabillion dollars an hour.

If you will excuse me, my doctor has called. He says he has a liposuction session scheduled.

I'm shocked because my hips are fine.

He says it's not for my hips.

It's for my head.

I know I'm Manly. I Just Wish There Was Proof Everybody Can See.

2010-05-30T09:59:00.003-04:00

Late at night I happened to catch "Heat" while channel surfing. "Heat" is one of Yangblog's favorite movies. It is also known to Yangblog as the last movie Di Niro was Di Niro. In the movie, Di Niro wears a goatee. Yangblog also has a goatee. Suddenly, a shocking thought crossed my mind:

"Heat" was made in 1995.

Perhaps I could give 1995 its look back.

As readers know, Yangblog is Korean for "Clone for Di Niro's scary charactor in Heat". In other words Yangblog is very manly. Since it is my purpose in life to enrich and enlighten, I have worked very hard to turn down the manly volume so men would not be intimidated and women besides Mrs Yangblog would not be tempted. It was difficult, but years of practice have made me an expert at not being intimidating or attractive to ANYONE.

I shaved the goatee yesterday and was stunned by the reaction.

Nobody and I mean NOBODY noticed.

Here is a list of people who did not notice:

1) The super from the building.

2) The yoga teacher

3) Friends

4) Me

I haven't even shown Mrs Yangblog yet.

If you will excuse me, I'm going to go to the gym to turn the manly volume back up.

Ouch.

I just broke a nail grabbing a barbell.

I Promise to Write Soon

2010-05-28T10:06:00.001-04:00

Yangblog would truly like to apologize for not writing regularly. My schedule has thrown me out of my routine. Since I have NO ability to adapt like higher mammals, you have suffered.

It appears there a a clause in my contracts where I am ACTUALLY EXPECTED TO DO ARTWORK before they pay anything.

Sounds like Yangblog needs to call his agent to discuss his negotiating skills.

Plugging a Blog That is Not ME

2010-05-17T13:23:00.007-04:00

I know I know I know.

Pigs are now flying.

It is snowing in Hell.

Yangblog is plugging a blog that enriches and enlightens that is NOT ME.

"Cassandra Does Tokyo" is a blog by an anonymous financial person who is an excellent writer about the surreal world of finance. For example, "Cassandra" writes about the hoarding of gold in times of fear. The common wisdom is gold is the only asset of any value during times of DOOM. However, Cassandra met a survivor of WW2 who remembers how worthless gold became when DOOM HAPPENED. It was better to own sugar or flour. Yangblog cannot wait to break this out at the next party so I can sound like a freaking genius.

Personally, I don't think the Cassandra is a financial person who wants to write. Yangblog thinks "Cassandra" is a scary good writer who happens to work in finance. Cassandra's favorite movie EVER is "Kung Fu Hustle" which meets with Yangblog's highest approval. Cassandra's take is more biting and insightful than anything Oliver Stone will do in "Wall Street 2".

Check out Cassandra in Tokyo.

It's scary, but scary in a cool Blade Runner kind of way.

Negotiating with the Flu

2010-05-11T18:32:00.015-04:00

Someone forgot to send a memo that the flu was making the rounds when I finally got caught. I don't know where I caught it. Maybe it was in yoga at the "Y". Maybe at the grocery. Maybe when I ate something that accidentally dropped on the sidewalk. Who knows?

What I do know is the flu almost won.

The flu invaded the nation of Yangblog.

The virus overran my bunkers.

They conquered the villages.

They bombed the cities.

The flu brought me to my knees and wanted me to DIE.

There is one major flaw with the flu's plan. Yangblog has one rule above all other rules. DO NOT DIE. Not dying is something Yangblog does very very well. It is very hard to return calls if you are DEAD.

Yangblog told the flu to prepare for the MOTHER OF ALL BITCH SLAPS and flooded my body with vitamin C.

Yangblog burned the flu encampments.

I torched my own cities to force them out. Yangblog watches "24." Yangblog knows all about "going off the reservation".

I burned their families and children and placed the heads of their companions on spikes. Yangblog also watched "Rome". The surviving viruses are shocked, SHOCKED at their misfortune.

The flu wants to negotiate terms.

There are no terms.

If you will excuse me, I need to find my earplugs.

The wailing of dying viruses may keep me up all night.

Hey Yangblog! Why Don't You Solve The World's Problems?

2010-05-04T11:17:00.012-04:00

Questions.

Everyday is the same thing.

Questions.

Since Yangblog strives to enlighten and inspire, here are answers to questions that have been eating at you like a bad piece of steak that refuses to be digested:

Q: WTF? Why is Steven Hawking harshing our mellow?

A: Hawking recently was quoted as saying aliens exist and are BIGGER JERKS THAN US. This is very very bad news. Your "to do" list is already full and now you have to add "avoid being enslaved by aliens". Hawking used his giant math brain to conclude aliens who visit will be psychotic. Yangblog also used my brain to come up with a solution. We give Naomi Campbell a ray gun and tell her the aliens said "Kate Moss is hotter". It is mathematically impossible to be more nuts than Campbell.

Q: For the love of humanity, is there a way to stop the slow motion train wreck known as Lindsay Lohan? If not, can we at least stop the news stories?

A: Yes. We invent a time machine and send Lindsey back to when she was 12 and being cast for "The Parent Trap". We are not sending her back to give her a second shot at her career. We are sending her back so she can run away and join a circus. Her life will be more sane.

Q: What's up with all these email requests from hot Russian brides who want to marry me? Is this legit?

A: Yes.

Q: I just got an email written in Serbian with a .zip file they are begging me to open. Should I do it?

A: Absolutely.

Q: What about the Prince from Nigeria asking to deposit 500 million dollars into my account?

A: Yes, yes and a thousand times yes.

Q: Wait a minute. Are you even paying attention?

A: You caught me. I was playing with a piece of tape.

Q: Are you really happy with your big round head, or is this one of those pathetic "laugh clown laugh" things?

A: Lemme tell you a dream. It is a recurring dream. In my dream, I have hair. It is not a little bit of hair, it is TONS OF HAIR. It is long flowing hair with conditioning. I look like an Asian Fabio if Fabio never worked out. In my dream, I am LIVID and am frantically searching for my barber but he is nowhere to be found. The torture ends when I finally wake up and am giddy that I have a GIANT ROUND HEAD.

If you will excuse me, Lindsay is on the phone.

She wants to know if I can recommend a circus.

The Yangblogs: The Sitcom

2010-04-27T17:57:00.011-04:00

There is a story in the news about a Cleric who claims earthquakes happen because women are showing off their boobs. If you have not read the story, a protest called "Boobquake" happened Monday with women wearing revealing clothes to prove boobs do not cause earthquakes. Guess what? AN EARTHQUAKE HAPPENED IN TAIWAN.

Here are the Yangblogs discussing the story:

Mrs. Yangblog: "Maybe earthquakes happen all the time and we don't know about it."

Mr. Yangblog: "Maybe women are showing off their boobs all the time and we don't know about it."

(silence)

I know.

It's hard to believe we give this kind of comedy away for free.

Are You Nuts, Yangblog? Disagreeing with Joan Holloway?

2010-04-22T17:41:00.015-04:00

Fans of "Mad Men" know Christina Hendricks is featured in the latest issue of Esquire. Her character, Joan Holloway has the icy ability to make men feel like tiny ants who deserved to be burnt by a magnifying glass. She has penned a "letter to men" about do's and don'ts for men. Since Yangblog hates being squashed, I looked at her list and was shocked, SHOCKED how much it differed from Mrs. Yangblog's list.

Let's take a look!

Ms Hendricks: Hates men wearing tank tops in public.
Mrs Yangblog: Hates Yangblog wanting to drive tanks in public.

Ms Hendricks: Hates men wearing shorts below the knee. She especially hates capri-like shorts on men. She makes it a point to say NO WOMAN ON THE PLANET likes men in these shorts.
Mrs Yangblog: Says these are the best shorts for me and I should wear them ALL THE TIME when she is away on tour. Now that I think of it, women never talk to me when I'm wearing those shorts.

Ms Hendricks: No man should be on Facebook. The invasion of privacy disgusts Ms. Hendricks.
Mrs Yangblog: Talked Yangblog into joining Facebook. My complete lack of privacy on status updates disgusts my Facebook friends.

Ms Hendricks: Thinks men should say "panties" more.
Mrs Yangblog: Thinks Yangblog should say "I'll carry groceries" more.

Ms Hendricks: Men who constantly stare at her chest are men she is never attracted to.
Mrs Yangblog: Thinks men who constantly stare at Yangblog's chest must be about 4 feet in height.

Ms Hendricks: Wants men to order Scotch.
Mrs Yangblog: Wants Yangblog to stop with the Scottish accent.

If you will excuse me, I need to rummage through my closet.

A tank top and men-capri short combo seems like a good idea today.

Speaking of Heads, Let's Talk About 100 Heads

2010-04-14T17:52:00.024-04:00

As you recall, I was asked to do a head for Spur Design's "100 Heads for Haiti", a charitable exhibition with 100 artists creating heads on a white background. Each original piece was sold for $100 and the proceeds benefit Doctors Without Borders. Why 100 dollars? Because it makes for a catchy theme. 100 Artists create 100 heads for 100 dollars.

Get it?

To to check out the store featuring art for sale, please visit here.

You will notice one piece is missing from the store. That piece would me MINE. That's right. Your chance to buy an original Yang painting ON THE CHEAP has vanished. I know I know I know. You saw the Yangian head, kind of liked it, but thought you would sleep on it and now someone who was faster and brighter WRECKED YOUR WORLD by snatching the blue Yangian head from under your nose.

You feel hollow.

You want to slap your hamster.

You refuse to see friends.

Loved ones cannot break through the thousand yard stare in your eyes. It's the same stare soldiers on the Bataan Death March suffered only much much worse.

But wait.

You can still kind of have a Yangian head to call your own. You can buy a limited edition poster with EVERY HEAD at the store. It's not the same as owning an original Yang, but it might be better. If you tire of the Yangian head, you will still have 99 OTHER HEADS to gaze at lovingly.

See? Yangblog made it all right. Actually Spur Design made it all right but you know what I mean.

It is win win for everybody.

So buy the poster at the store.

Don't let your dreams be crushed twice.

Hey Yangblog! Who Mistook Your Head For a Soccer Ball?

2010-04-12T19:08:00.021-04:00

Lemme get something straight.

After one of my friends tried to SEPARATE MY SKELETON FROM MY BODY on the soccer field, I told all the guys I was fine. Yangblog has one rule: Never cry. Continue playing and hope you bleed on your opponent. Koreans don't complain about pain. We DISH OUR OWN VERSION OF PAIN. There is no reason to cry in front of the guys.

This is why you have a wife.

As soon as I got home and on Skype, Abby was shown a close up of the scar and the story was embellished Yangblog style. I was BAWLING to get maximum sympathy. Here is what Abby was told:

1) At least a pint of blood was lost from my head.

2) I wasn't doing ANYTHING. I was just standing innocently on the field like a lost baby bird that had fallen out of the nest. Yangblog knows nothing enrages woman more than cute animals being VIOLATED.

3) The other team was making fun of modern dance.

4) The other team was making fun of Chinese Modern dance.

5) The other team said Chinese Modern dancers have fat legs.

6) The other team had tepid reviews of her last performance.

As you can imagine, Abby is now on the warpath. She told me not to worry my pretty scarred head because she was going to make like SHEVA, GOD OF DEATH when she returns. Trust me, my friends are DOOMED.

If you will excuse me, I need to go a Halloween makeup shop.

My scar has completely healed and I need to recreate it before Abby returns.

I'm On A Roll. More Stuff From My Head.

2010-03-31T08:13:00.015-04:00

Why are we listening to politicians or pundits? Aren't these the same people we used to BEAT UP in high school?

Why are we sucking up to athletes? Aren't these the same people who used to BEAT US UP in high school?

Wow.

These thoughts just keep popping into my head.

It's like "Yangblog" is Korean for Artistotle or something.

Stuff I Think In My Head

2010-03-26T22:08:00.013-04:00

Are you ready for deep thoughts? If not, are you ready for Yangblog thoughts?

Tiger Woods PR problem is easy. People should not be shocked that a person named TIGER hunts women. They are merely trophies to be won. Pro golfers are scared of Tiger. Pro golfers deny this, but they keep making poopy pants noises every time he is in the hunt. As everyone knows from school, tigers like to hunt. The next time he wins, all will be forgotten.

Jesse James's problem is not a PR problem. His name is Jesse James. Last time I checked, Jesse James was the name of an outlaw. It is not surprising he has a string of tattooed women who scare the hell out of Yangblog. Jesse James makes motorcycles and is covered in tattoos for crying out loud. Yangblog would be disappointed if he DID NOT like scary women. Jesse James does not have a PR problem. Sandra Bullock has a not-seeing-big-ass-red-flags problem.

The Pope has THE MOTHER OF PR PROBLEMS. Please understand that Yangblog only has a generic knowledge of the Catholic Church. The Pope is supposed to be infallible. The selection of the Pope by Cardinals is supposed to be infallible. Having a child abuse scandal by priests and covering it up is a REALLY BIG MISTAKE. Evidence is suggesting the Pope might have made a REALLY BIG MISTAKE. However, it SAYS IN THE BROCHURE that the Pope does not make mistakes. This means if the Pope made a REALLY BIG MISTAKE, he is not supposed to be Pope. This also means the Cardinals were not paying attention when God told them who to make Pope. In other words, God is going to be yelling at SOMEBODY IN A RED ROBE.

If you will excuse me, I need to answer a question from a Catholic friend.

He wants to know if the Pope were to beat Tiger in a golf, would this make his problem go away.

(thinking really hard)

It couldn't hurt.

Confession: Why Oh Why Do I Love Trainwrecks?

2010-03-12T12:28:00.027-05:00

People are constantly asking me why? Why American Idol? What possesses me to watch year after year without banging my head with cinder blocks? Doesn't Simon's cruelty and chest hair bother me? How about Randy's mindless blabbering? How have I not punched a hole through my screen every time Kara opens her mouth? How many mediocre singers can a human endure?

Yangblog has an answer.

American Idol is a window into the soul of America.

Here is what I have learned watching American Idol:

1) Too many people pursue dreams they shouldn't pursue.

2) Singers love to sing crap. Even if the singer picks a song by a great artist, they will pick the crappiest song from the artist's catalogue. Sometimes singers turn great songs into crap. This confuses you into thinking everything is crap. Thank God the singers are not allowed to sing Handel.

3) Judges hate it when singers sing crap. Judges try to help by recommending songs that are slightly less crappy. When the singers sing the slightly less crappy song, the judges still hate it. Why? Because the slightly less crappy song is still in the crap category.

4) People will listen to anyone with a British accent.

5) It is hard to impress people with a British accent.

6) People with American accents are scared of people with British accents.

7) When people with British accents banter with people with American accents, you get uncomfortable homophobic banter that drags on waaaaaaay too long.

8) When a singer crashes and burns onstage, it is important to have a close-up of the singer's hollow eyes so everyone feels awkward.

9) If you watch enough mediocre singers back to back to back, you will feel like you have wasted your life. The reason you will feel this way is because it is true. You will also understand why Simon is pissed all the time.

10) If you are washing your clothes with your wife's clothes, it is important to put bras in a mesh bag. If you do not put bras in a mesh bag, you will have tiny bra hook holes in ALL YOUR CLOTHES. This has nothing to do with American Idol, but you will be more pissed than Simon.

If you will excuse me, I just saw a person with an American accent bantering with a person with a British accent.

I can't wait for the uncomfortable silence.

Hey Yangblog! Where's My Head?

2010-03-01T06:42:00.004-05:00

As readers know, I sometimes hate my friends. Bryan Leister is one of my favorite friends to hate because he makes my head hurt ALL THE TIME. First he hooked me on golf. Then he sucked me into the black hole known as Wordpress. Bryan is a very smart guy.

Too bad he uses his brain for evil.

Please let me explain:

We 're supposed to create an image for an exhibit called, 100 Heads for Haiti. Each artist is to create a head on a white background.

That's it.

Bryan calls and asks what does that mean? I'm like it means you draw a head. Bryan then says he doesn't want to offend Haitians and I'm like, what the hell is the matter with you? It's not 100 heads ABOUT Haiti, it's 100 heads FOR Haiti, so just draw a damn head and be done with it.

Geez Louise.

Bryan then asks what I'm going to draw and I mentally roll my eyes and tell him I'm drawing a Yangian head, so maybe he should draw a Bryanian head.

Bryan says he doesn't want to do it.

I'm like, WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM? It's just a head on a white background. You can do that in your sleep.

Bryan says it sounds like a "We Are The World" remake. By now I have a throbbing headache and tell him it's not going to be a "We are the World" remake because we are not going to SUCK. Bryan then says he'll just give money and I say how about giving money and drawing the stinking head! If he doesn't draw the head, there will be a frame with NO HEAD.

Bryan says he'll think about it but he's not sure what he's going to do then hangs up.

Relieved that Bryan released me from the hell that is his psyche, I sit down to paint my head.

(silence)

I really want to slug Bryan.

I don't know how to paint my head.

I know I've been missing.

2010-02-22T16:33:00.005-05:00

Please forgive me for being away.

I know you feel neglected but please don't cry. You know I hate seeing pools of tears dripping down your cheeks. Daddy Yangblog is back and I'm going to make things alright.

I know I know I know.

You come, I promise to be here, and sometimes I am gone for DAYS. You have to understand, I'm not doing anything behind your back.

I am just a busy busy man.

Look, I brought smoked oysters and chocolate covered strawberries. I have music with a "slow groove" playing on the cassette recorder.

Relax, let your hair down and put some fresh cucumbers slices on your eyes. I lovingly sliced them thinking about you.

When you open your eyes, I will be back before you know it

Don't ask me where I'm going.

Yangblog is Korean for "Walking the Earth".

P.S Speaking of Earth, check out this new animation done in collaboration with animator and director Dave Redl:

Didn't Yangblog tell you he would make it all right?

Hey Yangblog! Who Are You To Judge?

2010-02-10T19:15:00.026-05:00

The Society of Illustrators made my dream come true this week. No, they did not award me the lifetime achievement award. Oh god no. The lifetime achievement award means YOUR LIFE IS ALMOST OVER.

They asked me to be a judge.

Yangblog LOVES judging people. The Society asked me to judge work, but I also decided to judge PEOPLE by their work.

Here are my conclusions after an afternoon of viewing 1600 pieces:

1) Many people love to draw cats, clowns, or the Joker. Many people also love David Matthews and Coldplay. In Yangblog's mind, this is the same thing. Yangblog knows he has made two David Matthews jokes in a row. It's the gift that keeps on giving.

2) Some artists love to draw female robots. Yangblog is sure 100 percent of the artists who drew female robots are male. Yangblog is also sure 100 percent of the artists who draw female robots have yet to reach "first base".

3) Many artists are trying to channel Tim Burton. This means many artists enjoyed a stable if boring childhood. Dad worked in middle management. Mom made killer casserole. Most of them use too much mascara. They also do the annoying hair over one eye thing.

4) There were a few artists who have perfected Bernie Fuchs' technique. Bernie Fuchs was a master illustrator during the Seventies. Yangblog loved Bernie Fuchs. Yangblog hates artists who copy Bernie Fuchs. This is not harsh. Other artists hate you too.

If you will excuse me, I have just received a note from a reader.

She says she can tell by my judging that I'm a poophead.

(hurt silence)

Why is everyone always judging on me?

Yangblog Live Blog of the Grammys!

2010-01-31T20:36:00.027-05:00

7:00- Lady Gaga in a big Broadway type production. All I've heard this week is Lady Gaga, Lady Gaga, Lady Gaga. I'm not going to lie. I have no idea about Lady Gaga. Yangblog is a blank slate regarding Lady Gaga. Please excuse me while I watch Lady Gaga.

(Yangblog watches)

7:05- This is strange. . . . Lady Gaga is a pop star who can actually sing. She is singing with Elton John. To quote Steven Colbert, I didn't realize Lady Gaga and Elton John were dating.

7:10- Steven Colbert is the first host. He is goofing on Jay Z and Jay Z is not taking it well. This makes me like Colbert more. Colbert goofs on Jay Z again. Jay Z finally cracks up. Colbert is the pre-scandal Tiger Woods of comedy.

7:15, They are giving awards, but Yangblog was Googling himself so I have no idea who won.

7:20- Holy crap. Green Day is performing with the cast of "American Idiot". A punk band is doing a Broadway musical performance. Lady Gaga did a Broadway musical performance. An ugly trend is developing for the evening.

7:30. More awards, but Yangblog is not paying attention. I was playing with a piece of string and missed everything.

7:40- Beyonce is coming out with dancers. Janet Jackson just called. She wants her "Rhythm Nation" dancers back. I'm not going to lie. Yangblog likes watching Beyonce because Beyonce helped Yangblog bring sexyback. Oh geez. This performance is also Broadway-like in scale. Yangblog is going to have to put a fork through his temple.

8:00- The Grammys announced the rest of the performers for the evening. Yangblog has ZERO INTEREST. Time to channel surf.

8:45- Egads, I just switched back to see Jamie Foxx, T-Pain, Doug E, Thrash, and Jay Z performing together. As you can imagine, this is a subtle nuanced blend of styles.

9:30- Really? Eric Clapton and Stevie Winwood are up for Rock Album of the Year in 2010? David Matthews is up for Rock Album of the Year in any year? Really? Yangblog can't imagine why people say the music industry is doomed.

9:45- Taylor Swift is performing live. Either Yangblog's ears are out of tune, or Taylor Swift is out of tune. Yangblog would like to formally apologize to Kanye West.

10:00- Yangblog just realized "Weekend at Bernie's 2" arrived in the mail yesterday. In other words, Grammy blogging is over.

Hopefully this live blog has enriched your Grammy watching experience.

You're welcome.

Hey Yangblog! Am I Going To Lose My Retirement Fund?

2010-01-26T15:09:00.007-05:00

Unless you have been on the moon, you know people are blind with hate about bankers and brokers. Politicians use bankers as punching bags. The Fed Chairman is getting grief. People are telling brokers to shut the hell up.

Yangblog understands this.

What Yangblog does not understand is people asking ME for investing advice. Since Yangblog strives to enrich and enlighten, here is some financial advice that could save you a fortune.

Never ever ever listen to ME.

You would have better luck with a monkey throwing darts at a stock page.

Here is how Yangblog makes decisions:

Good: Yangblog finds an advisor who understands the trends and mechanics of the market.

Bad: This is not why I use him. He also uses Star Trek and movie references in his reports. Yangblog loves Star Trek and movie references.

Good: Yangblog bought gold stock. Now everybody talks about gold. All my friends think I bought gold because of historical patterns relating to inflation.

Bad: I bought gold because it is shiny. It was sold when someone told me you can't play with the actual gold.

Good: Yangblog bought Apple stock when CEO Steve Jobs announced his hiatus late in 2008. Friends thought this was a shrewd contrarian play.

Bad: Apple was purchased because I thought this would increase my chances to be Jobs' replacement. Imagine my disappointment when Jobs returned to work. At the very least, I thought Apple would send a complimentary iPod to shareholders. The stock was sold after no iPod came in the mail.

Good: Yangblog bought treasuries. Friends think this a brilliant move since treasuries are the vehicle of choice for institutions during times of macroeconomic uncertainty.

Bad: It is dawning on me that treasuries and TREASURE are not the same thing.

Hopefully you have been scared to your senses.

If you will excuse me, I need to call UPS for a return.

What good is a pirate hat without treasure?

Hey Yangblog! You With Coco?

2010-01-18T10:56:00.014-05:00

Yes.

Oh hell yes.

Let's get one thing straight. Masturbating Bear and Triumph the Insult Comic Dog are comedy gold. "In the year 3000" is goofy fun.

If you think Jay Leno's "Man on the Street" is funny, you can stop reading because we have nothing in common.

Seriously.

Get out of here.

Remove my bookmark from your browser.

Jay smirking at the uninformed is lazy. Hahahahahaha. Why not interview Down's Syndrome people for yucks? How about asking people with NO ARMS to flash "jazz hands" ?

That should KILL with Jay's audience.

I've been really impressed with NBC's strategy of having NBC Exec Dick Ebersol trash O'Brien in public.

This would be the same Dick Ebersol who made the Olympics unwatchable and is going to lose 200 MILLION DOLLARS for NBC. Saturday Night Live under his watch became painfully unfunny. Ebersol in his rant gives comedy advice to O'Brien. O'Brien was once the head writer for The Simpsons. Last time I checked, The Simpsons was still one of the funniest shows EVER.

Ebersol's tactic must have worked because NBC and O'Brien are near a settlement. NBC wants to pay ZERO and keep O'Brien off the air for three years. O'Brien wants $40 million and the right to work as soon as possible. NBC did a stellar job by agreeing to $40 million and letting Conan work as early as fall. They are also making sure you can watch Jay make fun of invalids to your heart's desire.

If you will excuse me, a news flash caught my eye.

Ebersol and NBC really like the stock market.

I'm calling my broker and selling everything but the kitchen sink.

Apologies Again

2010-01-12T15:39:00.010-05:00

Please accept my apologies for not posting in a timely manner.

Yangblog understands during this time of economic stress the joy and happiness I bring might be the only thing between hope and putting a handgun into your mouth. It is a heavy responsibility that is not taken lightly.

The guilt should bother me but hasn't because my head is still in a giant fog. I feel a "foggy" guilt, which makes me feel bad, but not bad enough to get off my fat ass and write Yangblog. If it were a "knife to the soul" guilt, you better believe this baby would have been written. Now it's a "I feel like a class B douchebag, but I'll wait until I feel like a class A douchebag before I start writing" guilt. In other words, I'm not doing anything except sitting in my jammies with a hot drink and looking out the window like one of those retarded coffee commercials.

So please forgive me for not posting.

I promise, I promise, I promise to write as soon as I feel like a class A douchbag.

Notes From Hong Kong: Final Thoughts.

2010-01-03T18:22:00.008-05:00

Abby and I are finally back from Hong Kong so here are final thoughts:

1) Hong Kong and New York have a 13 hour difference. The difference is more exaggerated with the short winter days. My head feels like it is filled with foam peanuts.

2) Yangblog is in no condition to write a blog today. Have I mentioned my head feels like foam peanuts?

3) Abby and I are waking up at 5:00 in the morning so we chat since WE'RE UP AT 5:00 IN THE MORNING. One of the things we chat about is how much it sucks to be awake at 5:00 in the morning.

4) My Cantonese has gotten better. Abby said I used to sound like a 3 year old. Now I sound like a 5 year old.

5) First thing my mother-in-law in Hong Kong said when she saw me was I've lost weight and my head looks bigger. Duh. That's how gestalt works.

6) Took a yoga class with Abby in Tsim Sha Tsui. Our teacher was this tall, lean, muscular teacher. After class she told Abby she was an amazingly good yoga student. She then looked at me and said, "You, not so good".

7) Confession: The morning after we got back from Hong Kong, I accidentally washed my face with waterproof sunscreen instead of soap.

8) Confession 2: I used to think iPhone owners were insufferable. Friends kept telling me to let go of my hate for AT&T and buy the damn iPhone. Yangblog is Korean. We never let go of our hate. I finally got an unlocked iPhone in Hong Kong. Holy crap. I should have bought this years ago. Now I am insufferable.

9) The iPhone is the tech story of the decade. What is my favorite app on the iPhone? A talking hamster who repeats everything you say in a squeaky voice. There is also an app with the total knowledge of mankind at your fingertips. Whatever. Give me the talking hamster.

10) I will never, ever, ever, ever, get used to eating food filled with tiny bones.

I would love to go on and on, but my head suddenly went numb.

Did I mention I was jet-lagged?

Notes From Hong Kong: Bringing it Home

2009-12-27T20:58:00.008-05:00

More apologies for not posting regularly. My computer hard drive had died but a tech guy in Hong Kong who is now my best friend for life has saved my ass. In other words, I learned a lesson by having the snot scared out of me instead of being doomed.

It is time to come home. Here is how I can tell it's time:

1) There are many displays during the holidays that are unbelievably cute. If you have any sense of aesthetics, your stomach will turn. I'm talking giant teddy bears and cute characters that make Hello Kitty look like Marilyn Manson. They put high heels on stuffed reindeer for crying out loud. It is amazing how many Hong Kongers STAND IN LINE to be photographed in front of this crap.

I'm not going to lie.

I kind of want a picture in front of the reindeer.

2) Elevators in Hong Kong have a button to close the doors that works. Elevators in New York have buttons to close the door that never work. Since I'm a New Yorker, I never push the button. The doors will close eventually. Hong Kongers keep looking at me like a RETARD when I'm next to the door and don't push the button. Let me get one thing straight. If I have a choice, I'd rather look like a retard in Hong Kong than in New York, so Hong Kongers are going to have to chill.

I'm not pushing the damn button.

3) I finally got a suit made in Hong Kong and gave the tailor very specific instructions. I wanted the suit to make me look like Morris Day from the Time but sluttier. The pants should be MC Hammer "Hammertime" pants. My shoulders slope so the shoulder pads need to be higher than my head to compensate. Yangblog is an artist. I took this class called "gestalt" so I know a thing or two about proportions. The tailor nodded while Abby translated.

When I got the suit I was shocked.

I look like Cary Grant if he were more debonair.

It's time to get out of Hong Kong.

Nobody listens to me here.

Notes from Hong Kong: Apologies for not Posting

2009-12-21T09:08:00.006-05:00

Yangblog wishes to express my deepest apologies for not posting.

I am under an insane crunch of deadlines mixed with the fact that Hong Kongers have this delightful habit of filling your EVERY WAKING MOMENT with stuff. I promise to have an update from Hong Kong once I catch a window of time

My friend who recently moved here from New York has a theory that Hong Kongers schedule for every second so they can run away from the inevitable truth. In other words, Hong Kongers are in a frantic, futile race against death.

(awkward silence)

Perhaps the "make lemons out of lemonade" t-shirt I bought him for Christmas is a bad idea.

Notes From Hong Kong: Confessions

2009-12-10T20:02:00.009-05:00

photo: Yvonne Chan

The pain.

The pain of secrets kept that only the darkest of souls could endure.

Luckily, I have readers for dumping secrets so you can be scarred like me.

1) Sometimes the streets of Hong Kong smell like ASS. Locals don't notice it, but it is a fog that won't go away. It is like a butt popurri. What is confusing is this smell usually means something is cooking. It could be a spicy paste sauteed with vegetables. It could be coconut milk boiling. All of it is delicious. I am starting to associate good things with an ass-like aroma.

This is going to be a huge problem when I return to Brooklyn.

2) Not knowing Cantonese may bother some people, but for me it is bliss. As you can imagine, to be Yangblog is to be YELLED AT ALL THE TIME. My father-in-law yelled at me for putting my cell phone in the wrong place. Commuters yell at me to get the hell out of the way. Waitresses yell at me to stop staring at everything like a mental patient and hurry the hell up.

To me it doesn't sound like yelling.

It sounds like they're saying, "You're the best!" really, really loud.

Cognitive dissonance is my best friend.

3) Yesterday Abby and I had a Chinese foot massage. For non-Chinese, this is also known as the GAUNTLET OF PAIN. The masseuse kept staring at me for signs of pain. Yangblog is Korean. Koreans have pain for breadfast, and I don't mean the French word for bread. He would press hard and ask if I was okay.

I was like, "Bitch, please. I don't even feel a thing."

Shocked, he would press harder.

I would yawn.

During the session, the masseuse mentioned to Abby that I was very strong and god-like.

I'm not going to lie to you.

It's been 12 hours since the massage.

I still can't feel my feet.

Notes From Hong Kong: Comedy Hour

2009-12-06T22:11:00.005-05:00

Conversation with Mrs. Yangblog regarding the above photo:

Me: "What a nice shot! We look like a happily married couple."

Abby: "Yes. Just like Tiger and his wife."

Thank you thank you thank you. I hope you enjoyed Abby's standup routine and I am sure you are as pleased as I am that she took her act on the road to Hong Kong.

Lucky me.

Notes From Hong Kong: Is This All There Is?

2009-12-01T21:22:00.016-05:00

Yesterday after playing the best round of golf I have EVER played in Hong Kong, I stared out at the beautiful landscape and felt. . . . . . nothing. There was slight satisfaction but mainly there was a dull, numbing sensation. Standing in the middle of this insanely hectic city caused Yangblog to have an epiphany. Maybe there is more to life than material wealth. My golf buddy learned he had made a crazy amount of money on an IPO and proceeded to butcher his next shot into the wilderness. Suddenly he was the SADDEST GUY IN THE WORLD. Maybe life is more than the constant pursuit of the newest, the brightest, and the biggest. Wining and dining night after night is just a diversion to avoid the banality of existence. Just like the constant churn of deadlines with images created and forgotten, Yangblog would one day be gone.

Perhaps the constant pursuit for satisfaction has no meaning and life, OUR LIVES are a giant, plastic, ephemeral lie.

Then Yangblog had a second epiphany which beat the snot out of the first epiphany.

Who am I kidding?

I JUST SHOT MY BEST ROUND EVER IN HONG KONG.

The world is full of unicorns, talking bunnies, and bright shiny things.

On to pictures!

Yangblog on a minibus. If you value your life, you should have the same expression when riding a minibus. Supposedly, organized crime runs the minibus system. If true, they should run mass transit in New York City. The minibuses are cheap and efficient. The drivers are insane, but like I said, it is cheap.

Director Shu Ning's studio. The window looks out to a subway stop a'la the Japanese version of "Shall We Dance". The station is a reminder that we are only here for a moment. As you can tell, Yangblog is a barrel of laughs today.

Hong Kong milk tea or Lai Cha. This is also known as crack in the form of a tasty beverage. I have been drinking this stuff the way Germans drink beer during Oktoberfest.

A popular cough medicine in Hong Kong. I've had a persistent cough that was lingering after arriving in Hong Kong. Abby used to take this as a child and since she is still alive, I decided to give it a try. The cough is now gone. Yangblog plans to corner the market in Chinese cough medicine.

That's it for now!

Notes From Hong Kong: Fun With Lip Reading

2009-11-23T20:20:00.015-05:00

As a service to Yangblog readers, here is a brief exchange broadcast in Hong Kong between President Obama and President Hu. This translation is based on my lip-reading in Mandarin and Cantonese. Please keep in mind I do not know how to lip-read or speak Mandarin and Cantonese.

(Scene: Yangblog sitting at a cafe in a mall in HK doing "Mystery Science Theater 3000"-like voice overs to the puzzled look of shoppers. Voices sound nothing like Obama or Hu.)

Obama: It's an honor to visit your country.

Hu: Thanks. Where's our money? (laugher from Chinese leaders as US leaders look stunned)

Obama: What?

Hu: You heard me, where's our money? You know what the payment is on a TRILLION dollars?

Obama: Ouch. I guess "steak and shrimp night" is out.

Hu: First, you're going to speak in Mandarin. You know why? Because it's a new rule. It's called the "life sucks when you owe a trillion dollars" rule. (more laughter from the Chinese delegation)

Obama (in Mandarin): The bankers have a saying in America.

Hu: What? I love sayings!

Obama (in Mandarin): "If you owe the bank a million dollars and cannot pay it back, you're in trouble. If you owe the bank a hundred million dollars and cannot pay it back, the bank is in trouble" (Secretary Clinton and Sumners laugh while the color leaves the Chinese delegation's face.)

(awkward silence)

Hu: Wow.

Obama: Wow. Do you mind if I switch back to English?

Hu: Be my guest.

I am 35 percent sure this exchange is accurate.

You're welcome.