Yangblog Reading at the Tribeca Films Family Festival!

Yangblog will be reading "Joey and Jet in Space" this Saturday, May 2nd at the Tribeca Film Center, 375 Greenwich Street, 2nd floor screening room in New York city at 11:30-12:00 noon. The reading is part of a variety show for children which will include storytelling and hand puppet theater. Seating is on a first com first serve basis. My segment is sponsored by Poets House.

If you come, please cheer wildly even if my reading SUCKS.

The wall of noise will confuse others into thinking it is genius.

Kid Baltimore Likes Puzzlehead!

The runaway train known as Puzzlehead continues. Puzzlehead is now in the top 20 in its category on Amazon.com. Much thanks to those who have bought the book. Yangblog wants you to know he loves you very very much. I mean that. I don't love you in the same way I love my wife because that would be polygamy which is illegal, but you know what I mean.

Check out the nice review by Joyce Hesselberth, illustrator and partner in SPUR design. I am sounding like a broken record, but Joyce Hesselberth and her husband, David Plunkert most definitely DO NOT LIKE CRAP. If I actually gave them a bowl of crap, they would tear off my arms and beat me about the head with my own arms. They would then use MY OWN DISMEMBERED ARMS to force feed me MY OWN BOWL OF CRAP. Joyce and David are hard core when it comes to craplessness. If this is not an endorsement of Puzzlehead, then I don't know what is an endorsement.

The Tribeca Film Festival called today to ask for a reading of "Joey and Jet in Space" this weekend. It was a sudden request, so details will be posted as soon as possible. Yes, you read correctly. Tribeca Film Festival. The same festival with DeNiro, Woody Alan, Uma Thurman and now ME. That's right. Yangblog is going "Hollywood".

If you will excuse me, I have to to prepare for the festival.

I hope I can get a full cucumber body wrap on short notice.

Swissmiss likes Puzzlehead!

One of my favorite blogs just mentioned Puzzlehead!

Swissmiss is a design blog by Tina Roth Eisenberg who is Swiss designer who moved to New York City. Her blog is known for impeccable taste. That's right. Another person who DOES NOT TOLERATE CRAP likes Puzzlehead.

Check out her posting here. Don't stop at Puzzlehead. Check out the rest of her site.

Don't fight it.

Buy Puzzlehead.

You are only hurting yourself if you don't.

We Take A Break From The Puzzlehead Blitz To Ask Women to Stop Beating Your Man.

The first week has been a good week for Puzzlehead. Puzzlehead is in the top 100 for its category on Amazon and has been as high as 27th place. Much thanks to those who bought the book. Please guilt your friends into buying Puzzlehead. What can I say? Yangblog is not proud.

This weekend while at a birthday dinner for Ingo Fast, Yangblog learned something that affects EVERY MALE ON THE PLANET. While talking with one German-Korean couple, the boyfriend said something that made his Korean girlfriend SMACK HIM. It is not surprising he got smacked. If you are in a relationship and you are male, you are going to get smacked.

What did surprise me is the Korean girlfriend explaining her technique.

Korean women smack their man with a forehand slap across the chest whenever their man embarrasses them. She feels the forehand blow is more accurate. She SMACKED HIM AGAIN to demonstrate. This explains why I see so many Korean men with red chests. It is a reflex thing Korean women do without thinking.

I told her Abby is from Hong Kong. When she wants to smack me, she uses a BACKHAND across the arm. All Hong Kong women do this. My friend Yoshi is married to a Hong Kong girl. His arm is just as red as mine. Abby likes the backhand because you have better leverage.

The only way to prevent being smacked is to never say anything idiotic EVER.

Yangblog is a man. I am all man. Not saying inane stuff is genetically impossible.

If you will excuse me, Abby is on the phone from Hong Kong.

Ouch.

How did she smack me through the phone?

We Take A Break From the Puzzlehead Blitz To Promote Simone's Former Babysitter.

Looks like Simone's Jedi face is working as there is only one copy of "Puzzlehead" left on Amazon after the first day. Do not despair if you did not buy. More are on the way.

Check out the lastest video from punk/dance duo Matt and Kim. Kim Schifino used to babysit for Simone. Matt and Kim are one of the hottest bands today. Yangblog is sure Simone has used her Jedi powers to help Matt and Kim.

Enjoy

Lessons Learned

Resistance is Futile

Yangblog is taking the gloves off when it comes to "Puzzlehead". Simone Isip is using her Jedi mind-trick face which is IMPOSSIBLE TO RESIST.

She has made Yangblog do the following using her Jedi face:

1) Reveal my PIN number.

2) Buy her a pony.

3) Buy her older sister a pony, but make sure the pony is not quite as nice as HER pony.

4) Purposely lose copious amounts of money to her dad in poker.

She is now using her Jedi powers to make you buy "Puzzlehead" which is available today.

Don't try to fight it.

It can't be done.

I'm Bringing in the Heavy Artillery.

Yangblog is not leaving anything to chance. "Puzzlehead" is available Tuesday, April 21 and is the MUST HAVE book for every child on the planet.

Look carefully at this photo.

This is Simone Isip (age 5) who has been brought to a higher state of bliss because of "Puzzlehead". She is the daughter of Jordin Isip and Melinda Beck. Jordin and Melinda are illustrators. They are very successful illustrators. Do you know what successful illustrators don't allow in their house?



They don't allow children's books that are CRAP.

The Isip/Beck house is full of children's books that are not crap and out of all the crap-less books in the Isip/Beck library, Simone has decided to promote MY BOOK. In fact, this was so important to Simone, she made Jordin RESHOOT because the first batch of photos were not up to snuff. She insisted on the bow. She chose her dynamic pink outfit. I am 85 percent sure if you do not buy "Puzzlehead", she will rub it in until the end of time that SHE has the book and YOU don't.

Come April 21, put a crowbar in your wallet and buy "Puzzlehead".

It won't hurt.

Your child will only love you more.

Really.

Hey Yangblog! You Still Talking About Your Stuff?

Abby and I are still trying to figure out my yoga pants dilemma. The pants may show "stuff" going on, but Abby doesn't think it is a big deal. Of course she doesn't think it is a big deal. Abby is a dancer. She has a dancer's body. Dancer "stuff" is pleasant unlike Yangblog "stuff". Seeing Yangblog "stuff" is like being hit repeatedly on the forehead with a ball-peen hammer.

They are very nice pants and I would love to wear them without causing harm. Abby has suggestions for how I could pull this off:

1) Wear super thick underwear. If necessary, I could wear two or three pairs. The only problem is Yangblog hates being "steamy".

2) Tape my stuff down and tape it down good. This is brilliant except for the crackly sound it would make during class. Yangblog being Yangblog would crackle and stare incredulously at the person in front of me to make it look like THEY were "crackling". Throwing people under the bus is something Yangblog does best. Last time I checked, this is very "unyoga-like" behavior.

3) Wear a short skirt over the pants.

If you will excuse me, I need to check our credit card bill.

I am sure Abby is paying comedians to write her material.

Hey Yangblog! When Are You Bringing Sexy Back?

I was pleasantly surprised when the mailman delivered a package from Abby. She is on tour in Hong Kong and sent a new pair of yoga pants. If you practice yoga, you know yoga is sanskrit for "ridiculously overpriced clothes". This made Yangblog very happy to get free yoga pants and I tried them on immediately. They were manly and well cut but there was one problem:

You could see my "stuff".

Seriously.

In yoga you are always stretching your legs in EMBARRASSING directions and the last thing you want to see is anybody's "stuff" during class. Nobody and I mean NOBODY wants to see Yangblog's stuff in motion. If anything, teachers ask me to keep my stuff in check.

What is even more disappointing is you can see stuff going on down there when I am not doing anything. From behind you can see 'cleavage'. Yangblog is 48 years old with a giant ochre colored head. Clearly this is a disaster.

To make matters worse, I was talking to Abby on Skype about the pants. She wanted to see the problem so I stood up and POINTED TO MY STUFF in front of the laptop. I forgot I was in front of a giant window so horrified neighbors saw me POINT TO MY STUFF in front of my laptop. Neighbors now refuse to look me in the eyes.

If you will excuse me I need to talk to the authorities.

They want to quarantine my window.

It's Coming

(With apologies to Fake Steve Jobs)

The time will soon come where history will be divided into two eras. There will be light where there was once darkness, hope where there was despair.

No, I am not talking about the cure for cancer, I'm talking about something more significant.

"Puzzlehead", my new book, will be available April 21st. Soon you will know a world before "Puzzlehead" and the world after "Puzzlehead".

Do not be afraid. Be ready to experience something you haven't felt before.

Actually, you probably have read children's books before and have read so many books they blur into one giant continuous book. You might have this "Puzzlehead" confused with a movie by the same name, but that's besides the point. "Puzzlehead" will be an Earth shattering event. I'm talking about the book, not the movie. No, I did not get the idea from the movie, this is a COMPLETELY NEW CREATION never seen by human eyes.

I need to backtrack because human eyes have seen the book because editors and staff had to use EYEBALLS to look at it while putting the book together. It's a picture book, for crying out loud.

So I guess what I'm saying is my book is a revolutionary book that has been seen before with a title that has been used before.

(confused silence)

Whatever.

Please buy my book.