The Olympics have barely started and Olympians are already breaking rules! No, I'm not talking about doping or using under-aged gymnasts. I'm talking about something more important. Olympians are breaking the most important Yangblog rule: Before you act like the greatest ever, make sure you are the greatest ever first!
For example:
Offender: French 4x100 relay men's swim team
Offense: Alain Bernard is quoted as saying "The Americans? We're going to smash them. That's what we came here for." Bernard must have forgot the Americans have Michael Phelps, who could be the GREATEST SWIMMER EVER. Perhaps the French were confident because Bernard has never lost a lead when his team is winning.
Result: Bernard LOSES THE LEAD and the Americans upset the French. "Au contraire" becomes the American swim team motto. Bernard looks like he wants to throw up.
Mitigating Factor: The French team looks happy and are enjoying themselves during the medal ceremony. Making bold predictions and being WRONG does not seem to bother the French. Yangblog wishes he could be more like the French. Wait a minute. I'm always making bold predictions which turn out wrong. Never mind.
Bonus Points: Bob Costas for "Au Contraire"
Offender: Moronic U.S beach volleyball commentators.
Offense: The commentators pre-anoint Rogers and Dalhausser as the most feared beach volleyball team in the Olympics. They go on and on and on about Dalhausser who is 6'7" (oops 6'9"). They are playing the Latvians. Yangblog has a prize for anybody NOT FROM LATVIA who can find Latvia on a map. The Latvians say they may have solved the puzzle of Dalhausser. The commentators laugh and suggest the Latvians are in for a BUTT WHIPPING by Dalhausser.
Result: Latvia wins!!! Happy Latvians waving Latvian flags everywhere!! Rogers looks like he wants to kill Dalhausser who got ABUSED by the Latvians. Commentators make lame excuse about the Beijing humidity. Whatever.
Mitigating Factor: Rogers and Dalhausser were not at fault for breaking the Yangblog rule. They were innocent victims. Commentators broke the rule.
Bonus Points: I told a friend THAT MORNING it is hilarious when a team from a country like Estonia upsets the USA in the Olympics and moronic ESPN-like commentators have to fumble for words. Thank you, Latvia. Thank you.
Offender: Shawn Johnson
Offense: Predicts USA medals sweep in women's gymnastics.
Result: To be determined. However, it is hard to sweep if all your teammates KEEP GETTING INJURED. At this moment, China is in the lead for the team competition. Bela Karolyi is already making noise about the "incompetent" judging. This is code for WE COULD LOSE.
Mitigating factor: If the women's team disappoints, we won't have to watch women gymnastics ALL THE TIME.
I would love to go on and on, but the USA basketball team just called.
They want to read the Yangblog archives.
I'm starting to like their chances.
Offender: Moronic U.S beach volleyball commentators.
Offense: The commentators pre-anoint Rogers and Dalhausser as the most feared beach volleyball team in the Olympics. They go on and on and on about Dalhausser who is 6'7" (oops 6'9"). They are playing the Latvians. Yangblog has a prize for anybody NOT FROM LATVIA who can find Latvia on a map. The Latvians say they may have solved the puzzle of Dalhausser. The commentators laugh and suggest the Latvians are in for a BUTT WHIPPING by Dalhausser.
Result: Latvia wins!!! Happy Latvians waving Latvian flags everywhere!! Rogers looks like he wants to kill Dalhausser who got ABUSED by the Latvians. Commentators make lame excuse about the Beijing humidity. Whatever.
Mitigating Factor: Rogers and Dalhausser were not at fault for breaking the Yangblog rule. They were innocent victims. Commentators broke the rule.
Bonus Points: I told a friend THAT MORNING it is hilarious when a team from a country like Estonia upsets the USA in the Olympics and moronic ESPN-like commentators have to fumble for words. Thank you, Latvia. Thank you.
Offender: Shawn Johnson
Offense: Predicts USA medals sweep in women's gymnastics.
Result: To be determined. However, it is hard to sweep if all your teammates KEEP GETTING INJURED. At this moment, China is in the lead for the team competition. Bela Karolyi is already making noise about the "incompetent" judging. This is code for WE COULD LOSE.
Mitigating factor: If the women's team disappoints, we won't have to watch women gymnastics ALL THE TIME.
I would love to go on and on, but the USA basketball team just called.
They want to read the Yangblog archives.
I'm starting to like their chances.
2 comments:
HAHAHHAHAH - Yangblog got it wrong! Dalhausser is 6'9", not 6'7" like he boasted! In your face, Yangblog. Bwahahahahahhahah!!!!
one "great" thing about the olympics is they seem to keep sports that I couldn't care less about (i.e see handball, beach volleyball, rhythmic gymnastics, trampoline, and the like) and get rid of sports I actually like (i.e. baseball).
First, how in the heck does anyone ever find out how to be on TEAM USA RHYTHMIC GYMNASTICS or TEAM USA HANDBALL? I mean, come on! And how do we even know these are the best players?
Frankly, as to your moronic commentator comment, I couldn't agree more. If my wife would let me just press mute and enjoy the athleticisms without the witicisms, I would enjoy it so much more. Mitigating factor: This applies to college football too, so it's not just an olympic thing.
As you can see, I'm a bit opinionated on this matter. I am a lot like the French swim team b/c way back around March Madness I said "I will NEVER watch those ESPN idiots again!" Now that college football is upon us, I find myself gravitating to sportscenter to see if JoePa and Diddy Bowden are still with us ;) Note to self: DON'T make big statements about ESPN that you know you can't backup!
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