He's Really Coming? We Were Just Being Polite!

With our impending move to Brooklyn, Yangblog is shocked, SHOCKED how news has spread to Park Slope like an incurable virus. The following rumors have been made to scare the neighbors:

1) I will act like I've been a Brooklynite for years. All my arguments will end with "This is NOT how it's done in Brooklyn". I have no idea how things are done in Brooklyn, but this will not stop me.

2) Yangblog is already speaking with an affected Brooklyn/Oklahoman accent. You think Madonna is annoying with her fake British accent? Wait till you hear me.

3) I have been furiously buying any article of clothing with "Brooklyn". I'm buying hats, hoodies, pants, jackets, bags, everything. When you see me walking down the street, I will look like a Brooklyn version of a Nascar racer.

4) Yangblog has the patience of a 3-year-old. Yangblog has lived in Manhattan for the last 14 years. As you can imagine, this is a toxic cocktail. It could take YEARS for Yangblog to "take it down a notch".

For the record, I would like to say these accusations are ugly, judgemental, and very hurtful.

They are also true.

Wow.

Brooklynites are very astute.

Be Careful What You Wish For

For years friends have been trying to convince the Yangs to move to Brooklyn. Everybody kept telling us it would be so much FUN to have us in the neighborhood. Yesterday we learned the apartment in Park Slope is a done deal. Our friends' dream has come true.

THE YANGBLOGS ARE COMING TO BROOKLYN.

Abby's friends are thrilled, but my friends were stunned. The reality of having Yangblog next door has hit like a giant steel-handed slap across the face. This is your life when Yangblog is a neighbor:

1) You will have to listen to the same stories over and over again IN PERSON. On the phone, you have the option to put down the phone, do your work, then occasionally pick up the phone and fake laugh while I ramble. Jordin Isip does this ALL THE TIME.

2) When Abby is on tour, have an extra plate ready for dinner just in case I pop in unannounced. I have planned my "Brooklyn friends of Yang dinner circuit" once Abby is away.

3) Yangblog has the memory of a goldfish. Be prepared to answer questions about Brooklyn over and over and over again.

4) We are crazy close to Prospect Park. As you know, many Asians practice Tai Chi in the park at the crack of dawn. Yangblog religiously practices Scream Chi.

5) When walking the lovely tree-lined streets in Brooklyn, you might see me walking towards you in a bear suit. Don't ask.

6) There are tennis courts nearby. As readers know, I am like John McEnroe without the talent but with the same tortured psyche. Make sure to wear a football helmet at all times to avoid flying racquets.

7) When visiting, Yangblog never leaves until it is way beyond awkward.

8) Three words: Contagious foot fungus.

If you will excuse me, my new landlord is on the phone.

He is drastically lowering my rent.

Seems like people are flocking out of Brooklyn en masse.

Hey Yangblog! Can We Rain On Your Parade?

The Yangs might have landed on their feet. We followed a tip from a friend and found a lovely apartment in a beautiful part of Brooklyn. We were SHOCKED because the new place is nicer than our current place. In a nutshell, our management company is crushing us like an ant, but we may have lucked into a better situation. Yangblog was happily running around in circles like a maniac.

Maybe Yangblog was prematurely celebrating like this. Maybe.

Abby and friends brought up an important point:

We haven't crossed the finish line yet.

If you will excuse me, I need to go back under my drawing table and rock back and forth in a fetal position.

No, there is no thumb sucking.

I'm a man for crying out loud.

Hey Yangblog! Where is My Yangblog?

Since returning to New York, Yangblog has been in a constant state of confusion and jet-lag induced fatigue. We found a lease renewal from the management company waiting for us. The new lease has finally reached our threshold for PAIN. Since we were out of the country when the notice arrived, we have 5 days to decide THE REST OF OUR LIVES. Using my 20+ years of negotiating savvy and "fog of war" angles of attack, we came to an agreement: We agreed to do things their way and they promise not to squish us like an overripe pimple.

Until Monday.

We are furiously looking at our options. Do we stay? Do we grovel? Do we move? Do we stay and buy? Do we move and buy? Do we move, buy, sell, then move back across the street from our old place for the memories? Yada yada yada. Ever see a hamster running mindlessly like a mental patient on a wheel? This is the Yangblog's life EVERY DAY since we've returned.

I promise I promise I promise to get back to posting once the dust settles after this weekend-

Postscript From HK: Hey Yangblog! You Ever Pay Attention?

Hong Kong is full of double decker buses. I never appreciated the appeal of double-deckers because the spiral staircases in the buses cause me nothing but PAIN. Here is how Yangblog goes down the stairs when his stop arrives:

1) Get out of seat and stand in front of the staircase.
2) Press the stop button.
3) Wait for bus to suddenly stop.
4) Let momentum of the bus throw me head over heels down the staircase.
5) Time the fall so the doors open and I spill out of the bus like a circus clown.
6) Brush self off and act like everything is FINE.

Hong Kongers have their way, but this works best if you don't normally ride double-deckers.

It wasn't until my last ride to the driving range that I understood. The view of the city from a double-decker is AMAZING.

















Maybe the bruises were worth it.

Just Landed

I just landed in New York from Hong Kong and will get back to writing once I become lucid. Some readers want to know why Yangblog being lucid makes any difference.

Yangblog didn't realize the majority of his readership is aspiring comedians.

Back to you soon.

Notes From Seoul: How About a Faceful of Han?

Maria Digby with "Miss Invisible" or "Hey Yangblog! That's Gotta Hurt!"

Maria Digby is a YouTube star who CONSTANTLY MOCKS ME through her songs. She decided to reshoot "Miss Invisible" which is a thinly disguised song about ME.

As readers know, I am Mr. Invisible and it has reared its ugly head while leaving Seoul.

Yangblog was rushing out of the hotel when the sliding glass doors FAILED TO OPEN and I crashed face-first into the doors. I'm talking full frontal face plant. The doors shook violently and I thought I broke my nose. Guests and the Concierge were SHOCKED and embarrassed. Somehow, Yangblog managed to find the exact angle for the sensors to miss me.

Sensors can't see someone who is INVISIBLE.


Palace guard at Gyeoungokbung. He wants to know what happened to my face.

If you will excuse me, I need to leave Seoul immediately because in my rage I yelled, "PENIS SON OF A BITCH ASS!" in Korean.

Han.

I've got bucketfuls of han.

Notes From Seoul: Han? What Han?

Before arriving in Seoul, all I heard about was "han". "Han" is a Korean concept for an unspeakable pain and burden which pierces the Korean soul and effects everything about the Korean experience. In other words, "han" is an excellent way for Koreans to harsh their mellow. Lonely Planet talks about han. Koreans were either crying, or making someone cry on every Korean soap opera I watched. Tearful pop stars were running away from their shattered dreams in music videos. Han this. Han that. Han han han. As you can imagine, Yangblog was SERIOUSLY CONCERNED about coming to Korea.

Frankly I don't see it.

One of my favorite things to do on trips is to STARE INTENTLY into the souls of riders on subways. You can usually catch people in an unguarded moment. Abby calls this "invasion of privacy". Whatever. I saw happy couples. Old people were laughing their asses off with friends. Children looked happy. Very few teenagers had visible signs of angst. I have seen businessman in Tokyo and Hong Kong at the end of the day and trust me, they looked exhausted to the point of despair. Korean businessmen look fine. The only people I saw on the subway who looked unhappy were one inconsolable drunk and another man LYING IN A POOL OF BLOOD being attended to by others in a station. Maybe it's me, but EVERYBODY is going to experience han if they are lying in their own blood.

Enough pleasant talk, on to the photos!


Insadon. The mountain range is where the giant monsters emerge before destroying the city. Wait a minute. I'm thinking of Godzilla and Tokyo. Never mind.


Restaurant known for bimbimbap. Here is a travel tip: If you see a giant sculpture of bimbimbap at a restaurant, ORDER THE BIMBIMBAP.


One of many alternative bands which play on Saturdays in Insadon. Their sound had traditional instruments with elements of jazz and hiphop. Han must count for something because they were SHOCKINGLY good. Abby said the bald-headed member was handsome and charming. Clearly Yangblog married the right woman.


Insadon


Abby in the courtyard of a tea house. Abby remembered this tea house when she had visited seven years ago during a performance. The tea house is on an obscure road. She found it ON THE FIRST TRY from memory. Abby is a human GPS machine.


Toymaker. Could someone please tell me where is the han in this picture? You could argue he is sick of making tops because every day is the same thing, making tops. That is not han. That is HAVING A JOB. You could accidentally impale yourself with the top. That would be tragic, but also kind of funny.

Time to pack and go back to Hong Kong!

Notes From Seoul: First Thoughts

Some first thoughts upon landing in Seoul:

1) Hard to believe, but this is the first time Yangblog has been to his native home. I was surprised at the emotions as we landed in my father's city. My father passed away in 1984 and had not been to Seoul since the 70''s. I wonder how he would have reacted to Seoul in 2008.

The emotion vanished while watching an on-board video warning against bringing agricultural products into Korea. Yangblog did not have vegetables or livestock. The video kept going on and on about the hazards. I get it. I don't have vegetables. I am not making this up, a montage of ENVIRONMENTAL DISASTERS followed and the hostess WOULD NOT LET IT GO. Yangblog super-duper promises. I DO NOT HAVE ANY LIVESTOCK OR VEGETABLES FOR CRYING OUT LOUD. As if this wasn't enough, the hostess in the video repeated EVERYTHING. Yangblog is sure the South Korean government taught his mom iMovie and commissioned her to create the video.

2) Koreans are known to be tough. While walking through a night market, Yangblog accidentally FLATTENED one petite girl. I was trying to apologize, but the girl had left and reacted like this happens all the time. Yangblog really needs to learn the Korean word for "oops".


Our first meal is Korean barbeque. The waitress understood Mandarin so Abby was able to order for us. My ordering in Korean would have spelled DOOM.

3) Speaking of Korean words, here are a list of words I DO know in Korean:

-Hello
-Goodbye
-(Male private part.)
-(Female private part.)
-Ass
-Son of a Bitch. ( I know this because my dad would say this ALL THE TIME.)

That's it.

No worries.

I'm sure I can put these together to help us get around town.

Notes From HK: Call Me Mr. Abby Chan

The muscle for the latest Mcuimui performance. Say hello to Kaying and Hanks.

Everybody thinks they want the Yangblog life. There is the jet-setting. There is the international lifestyle. There is the drawing of oversized-head characters and ACTUALLY GETTING PAID FOR IT. To live the Yangblog life in Hong Kong means keeping your mouth shut and and looking pretty next to your wife. She's the big Kahuna. Yangblog is a round-headed guppy who doesn't know a word of Cantonese.

Time for pictures!


Page from new a book chronicling Mcmuimui's ten year career. They hired an illustrator NOT NAMED YANGBLOG for the book. It's okay, no skin off my back. I'm totally cool with it. Really. I mean seriously, Yangblog is a BUSY BUSY man and probably didn't have time anyway. Whatever. We'll see what happens the next time I get a project and need to hire a choreographer. That day will be sweet.


Magazine feature about Mcmuimui. The article is in Chinese. It's about Mcmuimui. This is as far as I got.


Abby and Wai-mei being interviewed by RTHK2 radio. This is roughly the equivalent of NPR. They are behind glass. Now I know how Wong Kar-wai shoots his films.


Wai Lam and Yangblog having a power lunch. Yeah that's right. That's how Yangblog rolls. We are the only two guys in the restaurant not wearing ties. We keep getting mistaken for the help. Maybe we should have worn ties.  Wai Lam is the art director for CFO Asia. We have worked together for several years and this is the first time we met. Twelve years ago, Wai picked up surfing. Twelve years ago, Yangblog picked up golf. Wai Lam has better decision making skills than Yangblog.

That's it for now!

Off to Seoul!

Notes From HK: Celebrities Read Yangblog!

I was heading out the door when my laptop pinged with the following comment from an irate reader regarding my latest post:

Nope, not following you.
Keanu Reeves has made over a billion dollars for Hollywood. And if Keanu Reeves is "... Keanu Reeves" all that means is that he has been top billed for over 20 years working and making money without the credit from jerks like you.
Have a nice day, wanna-be snob.

Anonymous

As you can imagine, I was shocked. After studying the syntax and having "my people" trace the post, it became suddenly clear:

KEANU REEVES READS YANGBLOG!!!

Yangblog takes back everything he has ever said about Keanu Reeves.

The "wanna-be snob" line gave it away.

Notes From HK: Yangblog Baffled

When you are far away from home, many images will SHOCK you.
For example:


Abby and Wai-mei used chairs as a metaphor for stages in life. They danced around the smallest chair for childhood and the largest chair for old age. Yangblog found a flaw in reasoning and asked why the largest chair wasn't used for childhood since objects seem bigger as a child. Yangblog doesn't know much, but he knows a thing or two about GESTALT. Abby explained this would be a typical EXPECTED solution, but reversing this logic has more resonance because your place in the world shrinks as you get older. Yangblog really needs to stick to drawing pictures.


Abby HAD to give me this toy she found at another production.




Yangblog wanted to know what in the HELL was the connection between "Star Wars" and "Nightmare Before Christmas". This was exactly Abby's point.


Another baffling image. I don't know this movie, but it appears Keanu Reeves has top billing over Forest Whitaker. Last time I checked, Forest Whitaker is an Academy award winning actor and one of the finest actors of his generation. Keanu Reeves is. . . . . Keanu Reeves. Is everybody following me?

Maybe it's just the jet lag and post-flood delirium.

That's it for now!