Won't You Give Him A Home?

One morning Yangblog heard a knock on his door.

Outside was this tiny red-headed boy with a HUGE AS HELL head.

His name is "Little Bighead" but he goes by "Pepe".

Pepe has no mom.

Pepe has no father.

Pepe has no friends.

He used to have a headless stuffed bunny named "Little Pepe", but the social worker took it away.

In other words, Pepe doesn't have a damn thing.

You know what would make Pepe happy?

A home with love would make Pepe happy.

Pepe wanted to stay with Yangblog, but this is out of the question.

Yangblog is a busy man. I have this little thing called a "career". Besides, I love my wife. I love poker. I love golf. I love TV. I love my once a week "red meat" night.

Yangblog is all loved out and does not have enough love left for Pepe.

Maybe you do.

Yangblog told Pepe he will be part of an exhibit called "Dimebag 3" this Saturday, July 18th at Giant Robot on 437 East 9th Street between Avenue A and 1st Avenue in New York. Look for "Little Bighead" and you will find Pepe.

This is Pepe's big chance to find a new home. Pepe will be inside a dime bag, so please buy him before his oxygen runs out. He will be on sale for $50. There is one dime bag with ROCKS selling for $60 for crying out loud. If Pepe does not find a new home, Yangblog will have to send Pepe to a sneaker factory in Asia to earn his keep.

Please give Pepe a new home with love and make his dreams come true.

Because Yangblog is a busy busy man.

You Have Bedhead. I Don't.

As you can imagine, I am constantly asked for beauty tips. How do I look so radient? What is the secret to my silky smooth skin? How have I avoided crows feet living the circus known as the Yangblog life? The answer is easy.

I am very happy with my ochre colored basketball orb of a head.

Yesterday was a beautiful cool evening and a puppy dangling his head out the window of car could not have been happier than Yangblog. A breeze was washing over the giant surface of my stubbly round head. It was like I had booked a massage with Mother Nature. I am sure people with long flowing locks did not enjoy the breeze as much as moi. Hair blocks the soothing effect.

You may think I am jealous of others with hair but nothing could be further from the truth.

During my life, I had the following hairstyles:

1) Bowl haircut

2) Hair parted to to the left

3) Hair parted to the right

4) Hair parted in the middle

5) The "Jimmy Conners"

It didn't look good on me either.

6) The Mullet

7) The Rattail.

In other words, I spent most of my life teasing and combing my hair to look like a DOUCHEBAG.

Finally I settled on the "Buddhist Monk". Trust me, there are worse looks for Yangblog than young Kwai Chang Caine.


Just like Caine except fuzzier and less groomed.

I would love to go on and on but I need to grab my clippers.

My hair is now 1/4 of an inch long.

It is unmanageable.

How Much Puzzlehead Love Is Enough, Yangblog?

"Puzzlehead" keeps getting love day after day and has been selected for the 3x3 Children's Book Annual. 3x3 is another publication who only likes stuff that DOES NOT SUCK. If I sent a sucky entry to 3x3, not only would they reject the piece, they would file a court order to break my hands and forbid any Yang art within 500 yards of the 3x3 offices. Check out the other winners and you will not find a sucky book on the list. In fact, gold medal winner Shaun Tan is so far away from suck he makes Yangblog reconsider his day job. Yeah that's right. I said it. You have my permission to buy other books but buy "Puzzlehead" first.

Here's another reason to buy Puzzlehead:

"Puzzlehead" can prevent your kids from turning into teenagers from hell.

One of my friends has two teenage kids. He is going INSANE from the constant struggles with his kids. It is a never ending battle for turf that sucks his will to live. He says the source of teenage angst is the search for identity. In other words, his kids are looking for a place to fit. Puzzlehead is not only about searching for your place, but finding peace when you have found your destiny.

The choice is yours.

Buy "Puzzlehead" now and have happy teenagers in the future.

Ignore "Puzzlehead", wake up in ten years and find to your shock and dismay your adorable child with a nose ring and leather chaps.

Sorry.

It is what it is.

FaceBook In Reality - idiotsofants.com and BBC'sThe Wall

Much thanks to Annette for this hilarious video about Facebook if Facebook was your real life. As you know, Yangblog is constantly tortured by Facebook. To make matters worse, everything on my Facebook page has a British accent JUST LIKE THIS VIDEO!

Enjoy.

WTF Yangblog?

Seen while driving through Brooklyn:



I called my rep, David Goldman, and asked if we should promote me as a "not disappointing" illustrator. He declined. David is going to keep with the "one of the finest illustrators in the galaxy." approach.

He's the expert, but I was just saying.

Abby and I ate at the following Thai restaurant:



As you can imagine, I was SHOCKED at first glance.

I asked the waiter if this was a vegan restaurant for bulimics.

He didn't know what the hell I was talking about.

I asked about the consultant for the restaurant so I would know who to avoid at all costs.

He looked puzzled.

I then asked if the name of the restaurant was an ironic sort of thing about the food or a promise because this was REALLY going to determine what I order. If this was a promise, I was definitely not ordering anything with rice.

He stared blankly.

I finally asked if they had considered other names like "Hurl", or "Chunkies".

He asked use to leave.

Nothing To Say About Michael, Yangblog?

wikimedia

No.

Yangblog has decided to pull a "Ricky Bobby", from Talledega Nights. Will Farrell's Ricky Bobby never prayed to the grown up Jesus. Ricky prayed to baby Jesus because this was the Jesus he liked best. He didn't care if he was missing the point. Baby Jesus was HIS Jesus because Baby Jesus is Christmas so shut the hell up and pray to Baby Jesus with him.

Yangblog feels the same way about Michael Jackson.

Don't make me think about grown up Michael because I 'm not going to do it. I like the happy energetic charismatic little Michael. Yangblog has a new goal. The new goal is to think nice of EVERYBODY.

To quote "Project Runway", little Michael is IN. Grown up Michael is OUT.

Little Michael is hopes and dreams.

Grown up Michael is tabloid fodder.

Little Michael is cool Afro and great 70's clothes.

Grown up Michael is fake military jackets. He helped fuel the Member's Only fad in the 80's. How lame was Yangblog in the 80's? Yangblog had a knockoff Member's Only jacket.


amesse the couture

Little Michael is the Jackson 5 cartoon.

Grown up Michael is a "what the hell is he thinking?" documentary . Maybe it's just me, but dangling babies over balconies is PR suicide.

If you will excuse me, I need to yell at the driver outside my window.

His stereo is blasting "Bad".

I'm telling him to put on some Jackson 5.

The Hits Just Keep Coming

Conversation over breakfast this morning with Abby:

Me: "I get to do an illustration of a potato today!"

Abby: "So you're doing a self portrait."

Thank you for coming to the Yangblog Comedy Club and don't forget to tip your waitress before you leave.

Don't forget there's a two drink minimum.

I'm being sarcastic again.

This Is My Life

Readers always want to know about the Yangblog life. They want the excitement. They want laughter. They want the adulation.

I also want this because the "Yangblog life" has no resemblance to MY life.

Here is an actual conversation between Yangblog and Abby. It happened a couple of months ago but I have only recovered NOW to share this with you:

Me: "Did you see the INSANE news about the Chimpanzee attacking a woman?"

Abby: "Omigod!! What happened?"

Me: "The owner had a pet chimpanzee she raised as a human. One of her friends was visiting and the chimpanzee went NUTS and tore her friend's face off!!"

Abby: "The chimpanzee was jealous!!"

Me: "How in the hell would you know what a chimpanzee thinks?"

Abby: "Because I live with one."

(cue to Mrs Yangblog laughing at her own joke.)

This is my life EVERY DAY.

It is so much fun.

(silence)

I'm being sarcastic.

Hey Yangblog! Say Hi to the Chosen One for Me!

Oh boy Oh boy Oh boy.

Yangblog has tickets for the practice round at the U.S Open at Bethpage tomorrow. The U.S Open has a rich tradition and here is a list of etiquette which needs to be obeyed.

No, this is not a list for Yangblog. This is a list for everybody else so the experience is more pleasant for ME.

Ready?

1) No yelling "You Da Man!". You might as well yell, "I'm a monkey!" because the effect is the same.

2) Do not dress like a pro unless you are actually a pro. Halloween will come soon enough.

3) No yelling "Get in the hole!". You might as well yell, "Give me an enema!" because the effect is the same.

4) No standing in front of Yangblog unless you are shorter than me. No standing next to Yangblog if you sweat more than me.

5) If you buy a snack, make sure to buy TWO. Sharing is nice, especially if you share with a Korean American with a giant round head and glasses. While you're at it, buy two drinks. The Korean American with the giant round head is going to need something to wash down the snack.

6) Do not wear your collar turned up unless you are a pro.

7) On second thought, do not wear your collar turned up EVEN if you are a pro.

8) Do not heckle Sergio Garcia unless he has done something asinine. Knowing Sergio, you may have to wait a total of 3 minutes.

9) Do not tell Sergio that Yangblog has made a Sergio joke.

10) Do not spray on Yangblog while excitedly describing a miraculous shot. Wait a minute. This is a reminder for me to not spray my friends. Never mind.

To thank you, here is a brilliant video with a young Tiger Woods winning the British Open.

Enjoy.

More Matt and Kim!

Check out this hilarious music video by Matt and Kim! Much thanks to Nate Williams for the video.

I know I know I know.

Yangblog knows Kim Shifino and this is why I'm plugging Matt and Kim. Kim used to babysit Simone Isip, daughter of Jordin Isip and Melinda Beck. Simone is the PR rep for "Puzzlehead".


My PR rep. She wants to know why the hell you haven't bought Puzzlehead. Buy it. Seriously.

Clearly this is a tainted endorsement reeking with conflict of interest.

Yangblog doesn't care.

Yangblog World is run like a banana republic and I am "Baby Doc" Yangblog. I shine favor or scorn on whomever I please. There is no dissent on Yangblog World, just gratitude, okay?

OKAY?

At least I only plug friends whose work DOESN'T suck.

Check out Melinda Beck, Jordin Isip, or for that matter, Nate Williams.

While you're at it, check out two former Yangblog students, Brian Rea and Tomer Hanuka.

Are we cool now?

C'mon, let's hug it out.

At least I'm a benevolent dictator.

I'm Bigger-er in China

Yangblog is feeling the love from China. You know China, right? That would be the country with 1.3 BILLION people. They are also the country with 767.9 BILLION dollars in U.S treasuries.

That's right.

China.

Anyhoo, Yangblog did an interview with Shanghai based Computer Arts magazine back in March. Seems like the translated interview did not horrify the Chinese, so O2 Magazine in Beijing also decided to interview ME. They want to know about the Yangblog life. They want the jet-setting. They want the laughter and the tears. They want to know when the hell we will pay back the Treasuries.

I couldn't help with Treasuries since Geitner never returns my calls, but I offered to share samples of my work.

The Chinese thought this was fair.

Here's the spreads.

Click on the first spread to see a pdf. of the article.

Enjoy.

Who's A Conan O'Brien Fan? Yangblog is a Conan O'Brien Fan.

Who makes Yangblog crack up late at night? Jay didn't. Dave used to back in the 80's. Stewart and Cobert do, but Yangblog needs a break from political humor. I don't know who the hell the other guys are.

Conan definitely whenever I am able to stay awake. As readers know, Yangblog likes to have his jammies on by 11:00.

Thank god he moved his show up an hour earlier JUST FOR ME.

Thanks Conan.


This is Yangblog's definition of funny.